Say Hey SoHa!

Another summer’s almost gone, and a lifetime of memories have been taken from it. Barbecues, pools, popsicles, and outdoor parties. So much fun to be had.

And, of course, there is the big question everyone is inevitably asked: Did you go anywhere for vacation this summer? The answer for my family happens to be yes.

Family Man Tim Rathz has mastered the delicate art of chaos mitigation, a valuable skill to have as a parent of two toddlers! (Photo provided by Tim Rathz)

My wife, Megan, my two kids, Mary and Pat, and I try to go to beautiful South Haven, Mich., at least once for a week each summer. To keep them excited during the three-hour drive up, I’ll randomly shout out, “Say hey SoHa!” The kids will then joyfully respond, “Hey SoHa!” This might get old after the 87th time, but you do what you gotta do to keep things reasonably nonchaotic during a car ride.

My wife and I were also lucky enough to be able to go there for a long weekend for our anniversary as well, which got me thinking … vacations are different without the kids. Very, very different.

So, please indulge me while I share all the differences I noticed.

Packing

I am a self-admitted over-packer. I always bring way more stuff than any human could ever possibly need, because one never knows when a winter coat and extra lightbulbs might come in handy while sunbathing.

But even so, packing is completely different when a three- and five-year-old are hitching a ride. There are clothes, pull-ups, wipes, tablets, snacks and oh, so many beach toys. By the time we pack the minivan, I’m holding my own bags on my lap while I drive. Possibly not the safest of situations, but we get there.

Since the car is so full, I can’t really see anyone else along for the ride, so I pray the whole trip that we didn’t forget anything … like the kids.

Shopping

I don’t mind poking around all the shops with Megan. We find some cool shirts, trinkets, and bobbles. Shopping with the kids is a whole different animal. We allotted both Mary and Pat a certain amount that they could spend each day on toys and candy. Naturally, if we didn’t go to the toy store first, we were responsible for ruining two young lives.

It’s such a joy to watch them touch every single toy in the entire store, one thing at a time, only to finally land on a final decision to buy a 40-cent sticker. Six hours well spent.

Dining

Eating is my favorite thing to do on any vacation, and there is no shortage of good food in South Haven.

Since becoming a parent, I learned eating out takes preparation. Always look up the menu beforehand so you can find something your kids will actually eat and then order for them the second the server steps within a 10-yard perimeter. Be ready to explain that gummy bears are not on the menu. And if your kids are tired and starting to show signs of crankiness, for the love of God have tablets on hand with pre-downloaded shows, just in case the internet isn’t working.

I just saved your life. You’re welcome.

Beach

What beach town vacation is complete without making several trips to … well you know … the beach? The days of just bringing a beach chair, a radio, and a cooler are long gone, my friends. And since the local authorities won’t let me park a 6-by-8-foot U-Haul cargo trailer on the sand (prudes), a wagon is a must.

Well, actually two wagons are a must, because when kids see a wagon, they sit in it. Please listen to me when I tell you, if you don’t want to look like a weatherman broadcasting during a hurricane while pulling the wagon on the beach, buy one with big treaded wheels that are made for just such an occasion. You will need the extra traction while hauling four beach chairs, two umbrellas, towels, sunscreen, a cooler, a radio, 14 buckets of sand toys, several bags of snacks and eight tons of lake rocks that your daughter put in the wagon so she can take them home.

When you finally collapse at your chosen spot, three miles from your parked car, you’ll most likely be told by one of the children that they forgot a toy in the car, and if you don’t go back to get it, you will suffer toddler wrath. Since you’d probably rather contract SARS than deal with a beach tantrum, you will make the trek. When you return and your knees buckle, you finally black out face down in the sand and get that sweet rest and relaxation you’ve been longing for. The best part of it all is waking up with the best vacation souvenir of all … a water blister sunburn. Hooray!

Photo provided by Tim Rathz

Sure, vacations can be a lot of work when kids are involved, but would you have it any other way? I have many memories of the trips I took with my family as a kid, and I want the same for my children. Through all the disorder, remember to smile at the chaos. They won’t be little forever, but they’ll always remember these times. And so will I.

The moral of the story is … Even if your yearly respite seems a bit disorderly … Say Hey SoHa!

Tim Rathz can be reached at 40somethinginfishers@gmail.com. Follow on Facebook or Instagram.