Rollercoaster prayers

Thirty years. That’s how long I’ve been praying a particular prayer.

Thirty years is a long time to pray the same prayer. The truth is that it was answered 30 years ago. Then, it was unanswered. Then it was answered and then unanswered. I call it my rollercoaster prayer. Have I ever mentioned I do not like rollercoasters?

What do we do with prayers like that? What do our prayers say about our belief in God and how we trust Him? No one told me that Faith could be so messy.

Here’s where our Faith meets the pavement. It’s how we walk through life and handle the hard times. What do we do when hard times keep recurring?

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Faith is a belief in, trust in, and loyalty to God. It also means a firm belief in something for which there is no proof.

Faith is personal. For me, it’s living life in a way that no matter the trial, the hurt, the pain … I choose to have faith that God will walk beside me. This includes living with unanswered prayers and rollercoaster prayers.

Since God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I’m fearless, no matter what. Who or what can get to me? Hebrews 13:6 The Message

Faith is how I live my life. It is so much a part of who I am.

Do I ever question God as to why I have to go through such hard stuff? The answer is yes. Do I ever question God why a particular prayer hasn’t been answered? The answer is yes. Faith does not come with a pretty bow – it can be messy.

What about that rollercoaster prayer? God’s word is my seatbelt. Scripture holds me secure.

I’m no theologian, minister, or spiritual director. I’m simply a woman who was brought up in church, taught the scriptures in Sunday School, and can sing all the verses of most old hymns. I have chosen to believe what my Bible tells me. I sing those hymns firmly believing that God loves me and He is good.

Growing up, I thought I would live happily ever after if I obeyed the Ten Commandments of God and the Fifty-two Commandments of the Church (That might be a slight exaggeration.) What was I thinking?

When I get to Heaven, I want to ask Joseph, Job, Naomi, Paul, and many others why they held on to their faith amid such heartache and disappointment. I might know what they will say. It was their faith in who God was in their lives.

It’s that faith in who God is in my life that holds me fast when I see my prayers go unanswered or answered then unanswered.

Is faith an easy thing to have? Yes and no. For me, it is easier to believe than not believe, but there are questions when I’m in the middle of a trial, when life is unfair, and when the hurt is carved into the tenderest part of my heart. Yet, I choose to believe God is good.

While I tap my fingertips on the keyboard as I write this column, I am listening to the song, “He Will Hold Me Fast.” It’s been my go-to song as of late.

I’ve had moments when the only words I could pray were, “Lord, I don’t know why I’m going through this, but I trust you.” Trust is the assured reliance on the character, ability, or strength of someone or something. This is the foundation of my faith … trusting a known God to an unknown future. Whew … that’s a deep thought for this writer.

Thirty years ago, I prayed a prayer. I believed God could answer it, but if He did not answer it the way I wanted Him to or in the timely manner I wanted, I still trusted Him. He would walk alongside me through the dark valley, even in the shadow of death.

He’s still right beside me riding the rollercoasters.

I’m still praying that same prayer, and I will trust Him until I take my last breath.

That is my faith … it’s how I choose to live my life.

Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.