Amy, I just finished this book, and I am bawling!
I read this text from my friend Cynthia a few weeks ago and nodded knowingly. Her daughter was going off to college soon. I remembered wiping away several tears myself when I read the book she was referring to earlier this year.
Release My Grip: Hope for a Parent’s Heart as Kids Leave the Nest by Kami Kilgour was a huge help as my youngest son’s college graduation date got closer. I know other columnists have written about the empty nest recently, but I figure the more tips readers have for this roller coaster stage of life, the better.
Release My Grip is a compilation of Ms. Gilmour’s blogs accompanied by bits of Scripture and space to think and journal about various empty nest topics. I consider this book to be a keeper and have already read it twice!
It’s hard to pinpoint what the best tip is from it, but I have to say that one of my favorites is to accept that you’re now the encourager and guide for your children vs. the “doer.”
For example, my older son Jonathon, who’s been on his own for almost a year, texted me months ago with a quandary.
Hey Ma, I read, you won’t believe this. My glasses just fell apart. My eyebrows shot up.
Really? I responded, picturing the lenses popping out and the entire frame disintegrating. Then I chuckled at myself, realizing I was going into Mom Panic Mode probably for nothing.
Do you mean they completely fell apart? Or that one of the temples fell off? I watched the dots as he prepared to reply.
Do you mean the side piece? Yes, one of those fell off. The screw’s missing.
Release My Grip is another good tool for the empty nest arsenal. (Photo provided by Amy Shankland)
The old Amy would have told him to come by after work and we would fix them together. But the post-Release My Grip Amy paused, especially since I knew he had contact lenses as well.
Oh, that’s an easy fix! I texted. Just stop by CVS and pick up an eyeglass repair kit and you’ll be set. They have little screws and screwdrivers in them.
They sell those? Cool! I’ll go get one. Thanks Ma. Problem solved.
While not all situations are as easy as this one, it’s a good illustration of what we must do when our kids become young adults. It’s tempting to swoop in and fix their problems, and I sometimes feel myself almost sitting on my hands when I want to do that very thing.
I must remember that I faced troubles in my early 20s and navigated them – overall – just fine. My parents were there to guide me, but I no longer needed or wanted them to “swoop” anymore … just encourage me instead and point me in the right direction.
I highly recommend Release My Grip as a tool to help you as your kids go off to college, the military, or other avenue towards becoming independent adults. It really will help you gradually release your grip and embrace the empty nester stage with all its newness and fun!
Amy Shankland is a writer and fundraising professional living in Noblesville with her husband John, two sons, two dogs, and a cat. You can reach her via email at amys@greenavenue.info.