Sandwiched
Balance. It’s something we all try to achieve in life whether you’re a teenager dealing with school, homework, chores and a part-time job; a parent balancing a full-time job along with taking care of a home and family; or dozens of other scenarios. I don’t think we ever fully achieve it, but it’s always something good to strive for so we don’t end up feeling overworked and exhausted.
I realized a few years ago that balance doesn’t quite exist when you’re in the sandwich generation. Sometimes you have to focus more on your elderly parent – or parents – due to unforeseen circumstances. Sometimes your kids absolutely must have your full attention, especially when they’re little and injured or sick.
I was blessed 5 ½ years ago that my sons were pre-teens and my husband could take over for a week after my mom fell and broke her leg. It happened in her home in Mishawaka near South Bend. My sister lives in Florida and my brother was on vacation at the time, so it was up to me to get up north ASAP.
Thankfully, I was able to leave work, go home and throw some clothes in a suitcase, and join Mom three hours later. Well, after finally going to the right hospital. They had completely changed the one I knew about and had built a new hospital a couple of years previously! I’ll never forget that moment of panic when the receptionist said, “We don’t have anyone here by that name.”
I picked up my sister the next day at the airport – after I made sure that it hadn’t moved somewhere like the hospital – and my brother and his wife drove up a couple days later after working out how to get home from Mexico. Mom was okay, but her leg was broken in multiple places, meaning she’d be in a rehabilitation facility for months.
We were incredibly fortunate that a good friend of the family, Kevin, was the director of one facility. It was a no-brainer for us to choose his place. But even with Kevin watching over Mom, I still had to go up to Mishawaka every other week for seven months after her injury due to doctor’s appointments. I think after awhile my car could’ve driven itself up there.
Thank goodness for an understanding work place with lots of sick days and the support of my sons and husband. The three of them did just fine with me being away so much, although of course I felt guilty about it. And Mom was able to come home in the fall of 2013 and spend three more years there before moving here to assisted living in November of 2016.
Things are a little easier with Mom living close by. I still feel bad when a week has gone by and I haven’t gone to visit her. But some weeks bring more grant application deadlines, meetings and kids’ activities than others.
Then I’ll set aside a day just for Mom to go out to eat and shop … and get the text from Jacob asking me to locate his jazz band attire and from Jonathon saying that I need to sign a permission slip ASAP. Sigh.
I think if you’re in the Sandwich Generation, you have to accept the fact that the scale of life – or rickety teeter-totter, in my case – is never going to be perfectly balanced. Just remember to keep doing the best you can, let all parties know you love them, say some prayers, and hold on to those handles!