“No” isn’t a bad word

Has saying no to something good ever been a struggle for you? Are you a people-pleaser? Do you compare yourself to others? Me too.

How could I say no? I had just been offered a facilitator position with a well-known and highly respected community of amazing writers. No one in their right mind would turn this down … but I did.

The position was volunteer, but it would get my name out there in the Christian writing world. It was a massive affirmation boost to my struggle with being “good enough.” I felt honored.

But.

I avoided the form to accept the position. I felt an uneasiness. I prayed. Surely, God would want me to do this. It is a good thing. In my prayer, I seemed to be trying to convince God that it was something I should do.

Still, the uneasiness lingered.

A few months earlier, I had read Emily P. Freeman’s book, How to Walk Into a Room: The Art of Knowing When to Stay and When to Walk Away.

Now, I was deciding whether to be a voice in a room. The invitation had me excited. Why wouldn’t I accept?

Discernment: to see with wisdom, not feelings. That’s my definition, not Webster’s.

As I began considering the reasons for not saying yes, I read a Facebook post by my friend, Elizabeth Braswell. It included a scripture to which I had never paid attention.

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. Galatians 6:4 NLT

If Elizabeth hadn’t lived in North Carolina, I would have driven to her house and hugged her. These are her words, but I could have said the same.

She wrote, “I used to need affirmation from others. I longed for it. I worked for it. It’s why I became an overachiever … because affirmation from others gave me a sense of value and worth. I didn’t realize that was what I was doing … but it was. I had no joy in simply being ME … heck, I didn’t even know who ME was.”

Oh, Elizabeth, those words were exactly how I was feeling.

At 68 years old, I am learning more and more just to be ME.

I’ve spent a lifetime running on the comparison wheel, swinging on the people-pleasing trapeze and looking into the “allowing others to define me” mirror. It’s exhausting.

I’ve said yes to so many good things, not realizing saying yes was not a good thing for me to do. Finding my way to saying no hasn’t been easy. I may always struggle to say no.

A sweet peace came over me as I wrote the email to decline the invitation. I don’t know where this writing thing will take me. I am amazed at where it has already taken me. Another book is being written. Speaking engagements are on my calendar. I am teaching three writing workshops at the Taylor University Writers Conference in July.

I thanked my writer friend for the invitation. I told her it was an honor to be asked. I will continue to be a part of this community and cheer on whoever is leading. I know they will be perfect for the position.

I have words to write and a book to publish. I like this writing room. It’s where I am supposed to be. I pray that God will use my words, as well as my voice, in rooms where He will open the doors.

You may struggle with the issues that I do. As I have learned the hard way … “no” is not a bad word. It is the key to finding a room where peace and rest will be found.

Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.