From the Heart
Recently I asked Emily if she knew she was a Rainbow Baby.
Emily had no idea what I was talking about.
I explained to her that a year before she was born I had a miscarriage. A baby born after that is a Rainbow Baby.
It was in July of 1980 when I went to see my doctor, Walt Beaver, to hear the heartbeat of the baby I was carrying. I watched his brow become furrowed as he moved the stethoscope over my stomach. He calmly suggested we do an ultrasound.
I went home in tears and waited a few days before it could be done. Nothing back then was instant. I did a lot of praying.
The results were not what I had prayed for. I was devastated. I went into the hospital for a D&C on August 7.
I spent the next few weeks explaining to friends that I was no longer pregnant and reassuring them that I was okay. But I wasn’t.
I questioned God. I had obeyed all the pregnancy rules. I was in good health. So why?
To make matters worse I had two close friends who had gotten pregnant with their third child and neither pregnancy was planned.
I helped to give them a baby shower. I remember going into the bathroom, wiping tears, splashing cold water on my face and returning to the laughter and baby chitchat with all the guests. All the while my heart was crying.
I know miscarriages are very common but when it happens to you it devastates your heart.
Within months I did get pregnant again. I was so scared the entire nine months. Dr. Beaver kept reassuring me that this pregnancy was going well and I would deliver a healthy baby in August of 1981.
Back then no one knew what sex their baby would be, but I knew, I just knew it would be a girl.
So on August 7, 1981 Emily Catron was born. She weighed a little over 8 pounds and was so pretty and healthy. It was exactly one year to the day that I had my D&C.
I still don’t understand why I lost that baby. I don’t understand why things happen the way they do. I honestly don’t believe everything happens for a reason. Things just happen sometimes.
I do know that when I held Emily in my arms that day, some 38 years ago, I could never imagine not having her. She was not only a Rainbow Baby but helped to heal my broken heart.
Now, all these years later, she has a way of calming my fears and reassuring me that things will be okay.
God must have known I’d need that. Whenever I look up at a rainbow I am reminded that God keeps His promises, even when we don’t understand His ways.