My ‘No’ Era

Unless you’ve been living under a rock these last couple of years, you’ve probably heard or seen the expression stating what “Eras” people are currently living. If there’s one person you cannot help but hear about all the time, it’s Taylor Swift.  While I, myself, am not a “Swiftie,” I like her, have grown up listening to her music and seen her in concert a couple times over the years. I can’t help but be inundated with every move the woman makes each time I log onto social media. You don’t have to be a member of the cult to respect the business mogul empire she has created.

That said, I certainly wasn’t looking to her or her cats for her thoughts during the Presidential election. Insert eye roll.

More than anything she’s done over the last several years, I think the coined term of, “I’m in my fill-in-the-blank era” is not only catchy, but also deep. This has turned into a phenomenon of branding. You see shirts that read “I’m in my soccer mom era” or teachers drinking coffee from mugs that read “I’m in my second-grade era.” Love her or hate her, the branding that this woman has created and others have hijacked to capitalize on is quite remarkable. It’s more than just long legs, red lips, and shaking hips. The rebranding and reinvention of herself through various eras is quite impressive.

As for me, I can tell you that I am personally in my “No” era. I used to feel the need to follow-up “No” with further explanation, but the closer I inch to 40, I really don’t. I am more confident saying “No” to people and things that don’t fill my cup. I am no longer reluctant to say “No” when it comes to my peace or my time. When someone asks something of me that I am not willing or able to do, I remind myself that “No” is a complete sentence. This goes for both at work and in my personal life.

I’m in my “No” era of being over-scheduled. If it’s not something for one of my kids, someone I genuinely care about, or for something that matters to me or my family personally – most likely the answer during this season of life is going to be “No.”

The reason for this is plain and simple. We are already so scheduled as it is with two children involved in extracurricular activities. Both my husband and I are working full-time and tasked with other responsibilities outside of work, so I don’t have the luxury of not being selective with my time and who I spend it with. If I agreed to everything, I’d have no time left for my own sanity.

One thing that I have taken a hard stance on with my kids is that you are not going to be involved in more than one extracurricular activity at a time. I know children who have art class, swim team, soccer, and chess club all in the same season simultaneously. I’m talking about 6- and 7-year-old children. To me, it’s crazy. Will I bend on this within reason depending on a specific isolated activity? Maybe. Everything is negotiable, but I can confidently say that under no circumstances will I allow my kids to each be involved in so many activities while they are over-booked and absolutely exhausted at the age of 7. That’s a hard no for me. They are children. Let’s be honest, they have half of my genes, so I can confidently say that they aren’t going pro.

Let them have a childhood and get a grip. You can learn discipline and dedication to a sport and team one sport or activity at a time. A child doesn’t need to be involved in so many activities at the same time to be well-rounded. Trust me, I’ve taught for 16 years and have seen it first-hand.

I’m also in my “No” era when it comes to events that I don’t want to go to. By the time we are home from work, school, sports, and meetings, we are tired. In fact, we are exhausted. There are soccer practices to get to, dinners to be wolfed down, and homework that needs to be completed. The weekend hits and the priority is whatever activity the kids are in, rest, and after that, it is for my husband and me to have quality time.

If you agree to everything, you have nothing left for yourself and are pouring from an empty cup.  I have too many people that need something from me right now that I can’t afford to have an empty cup.

This era is about being intentional with time and making sure that I keep priorities straight because unscheduled time with family is fleeting and precious.

In fact, I would say I’m unapologetically in my “No” era.

Megan Rathz is a wife, mother, and teacher. She says everything she has ever learned in life came from her Master Gardener mother.