“… the only thing we have to fear is … fear itself,” said President Roosevelt in 1933 at his inauguration.
Obviously, he never suffered trauma in the dentist’s chair when he was a child. I still remember that Dr. “G” would never completely numb me when I got a cavity filled. To this day, the anxiety I feel whenever I have a dental procedure is brutal.
And so, it was at 7:30 a.m. on Monday that I found myself walking into the dentist’s office to have two crowns placed in the upper left of my mouth. The fear and trepidation were real. Let’s get this over with.
Dr. Bailey knows my fear, but I remind him every time. He is an excellent dentist who understands my anxiety and makes sure I’m numb. The “pinch” to the roof of my mouth is the worst. Sitting there for three hours is not fun. His assistant, Sam, explained every step they were taking. She said I seemed calm, but if she had X-rayed my insides, she would have seen I was suffering from internal jitters.
Photo provided by Janet Hart Leonard
The three hours gave me time to think and write in my head. I pondered all my fears and their realness and severity. What I am most afraid of is whatever I am currently dealing with.
Another fear I have is that of bees. You see, I am allergic to their sting. Two years ago, I was stung by a wasp as I was taking down a wreath from our front porch. He got me good. Actually, he got me BAD. My hand looked more like a catcher’s mitt. It swelled so quickly, and I couldn’t get my ring off my finger, so the ER doctor had to cut it off. The only relief I get from a sting is apple cider vinegar. Trust me when I say that I smelled like vinegar for days … and I didn’t care.
I am claustrophobic. In December, when I was diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy, the neurologist ordered an MRI. The kind, young man who performed the procedure gave me a warm blanket and offered to play my favorite music. As I entered the chamber, I prayed … I mean PRAYED. I heard him say, “Before we start your worship music, you will hear Rod Stewart.” I laughed as I prayed, God, I know you were in the fiery furnace with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (Daniel 3:16-28). Could you go into this chamber with me?” I felt He was there. I remained calm.
Clowns. I see nothing funny or entertaining about clowns. The church I grew up in had a clown ministry. I dreaded the Sundays they came in costume. I stayed in my pew and ducked out the door as quickly as possible. I don’t even like Jack-in-the-box toys. Maybe I was traumatized as a child. I won’t even listen to Judy Collins singing “Send in the Clowns.”
And then there is my fear of roller coasters. One and done! For me, it was a near-death experience. I promised my best friend, Patrice, and God that I would never ride another one. Patrice would also promise never to ride another one … with me.
Fear is real. On Monday, I accomplished one of my goals: to get through the three hours at the dentist without having a come-apart. I have two new crowns, and I left Dr. Bailey’s office with a new and confident smile. It was a bit crooked until the numbness wore off, but a few hours later, I sat down and wrote the words that I had thought about during the three hours.
Thank you, Dr. Bailey, and all the gals in the office. Your reassurance and a lot of Novocain worked to calm my come-apart.
Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.