Many of us have things we look back on as we analyze our younger years that we wish we could get a “do-over” for. That is just part of living and growing in age and hopefully a little wisdom along the way. Sadly, there are not any true “do-overs” but if we are alive, there is room for growth and change.
Living with a disability, something that I really look back on and wish I could do differently is the amount of time that I spent “editing” myself to make myself more appealing to others, or to fit in when I felt I did not because of my disability. If you have been around, you know I have touched on this before. It bears repeating – especially so for my younger readers who are also making their way through life with a disability that makes them feel different from everyone around them a lot of the time.
I have had the opportunity to form some relationships with those younger than me in the disabled community. Let me tell you, I have often been in awe of them and how much further they are on their self-acceptance journey than I was at their age. Maybe it is partly the times. It feels more acceptable and even desirable to stand out and be unique these days. I am certainly no expert, but from my observation that is what I see. I love it. I wish we could all feel free to be our complete and total selves instead of an edited version created for whoever we are with.
One of the ways I edited myself was by pretending that my disability did not cause the level of struggles that it did. Very often I downplayed the amount of stress it caused me. I got quite good at it, I guess you could say. My close friends knew more of my struggles, but not completely. To be honest, I am still guilty of doing this, but I have learned that does not serve me well.
Another way that I edited myself was to laugh at all the “jokes” about my disability or assistive devices. I even made some jokes on my behalf a lot of the time. I did that because I wanted to help others around me feel more comfortable. Do you ever do that? Make yourself uncomfortable to help others feel more comfortable? It never feels good and is not authentic. On the outside I would laugh, but inside felt like a completely different story. Perhaps, I should not be so sensitive or take myself so seriously, but that is just who I am. I love humor and I love to laugh, but humor surrounding my disability can be a slippery slope.
The truth is, most people who are meeting me for the first time, likely haven’t spent a lot of time around someone who is disabled. So, it is like a blank slate. Just being my true authentic self is a fantastic way to show them what being disabled truly means for me and my life. The more I open up, the more I learn that others genuinely want to learn more. They just do not always know how to ask. Maybe I am the very first disabled person they have ever met. Why not show them the real me and help educate them on disabilities?
It makes everything better when we can live as we were created and can bring our own unique qualities and perspectives to a relationship. After all, we are all different and have unique gifts and talents to contribute.
For me, it is a good start in helping to change some of the negative or incorrect beliefs that exist surrounding disabilities. It takes humble courage to let our true colors shine. The world would be a better and probably much less stressed-out place if we could live unedited. With practice, it will become your norm, and you will find that you feel a refreshing sense of freedom.
Until next time …
Amy Shinneman is a former National Ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, disability blogger, wife, and mom of two boys. You can find her blog at humblycourageous.com and reach her on Instagram @ashinneman.