“Mom, I think my friends and I need a time-out.”
Leah is 10 years old and yet she has the thoughts of an old soul. She amazes me. I often wonder how she comes up with the things she says. Then, I remember who her mother is … my daughter, Emily.
Emily has always been that go-to person her friends sought for wisdom and guidance. I’ve gone to her for the same. She just has an innate sense of what needs to be done. Her common sense, along with her wisdom, gives her a great perspective to see things clearly. Her words of assurance help me not to have a come-apart whenever I am on the verge of one.
For many years, my mother would say to me, “Well Janet, what does Emily think?” When Mom was so upset about having to move into assisted living, I asked Emily to talk to her. She was able to settle her down and help her realize it was for her safety and comfort. Whew!
Leah has reached the age when little girls can be a bit “ouchity” with each other. She recognized this was not a healthy place for her to be. She was being dragged into the pit of drama. It is a place where ugly, judgmental, and unkind words land on the unsuspecting tender heart. She was wise to walk away, even though it meant not being with her friends. Being alone can be the healthiest place to be. Leah realizes that at the age of 10.
Janet’s wise daughter Emily and her equally wise granddaughter Leah. (Photo provided)
Leah also recognizes that her mother will listen to her tender heart and all that it has to say … and feel. Emily tells her that her feelings matter. She listens and validates her feelings. She helps her process her thoughts. This will become even more important as Leah approaches her teenage years.
Oh, those precious teenage years where drama is all too often found. The drama queen of the day throws ugly words like mud on an unsuspecting, vulnerable adolescent. Those words will be heard in the heart for many years to come unless they are erased by a wise mother or father.
Every child, no matter the age, should be able to find a safe place with their parents. Safe is where that child can share feelings and thoughts and NOT be judged. A child should never hear from the lips of a parent, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” What they hear is, “Your feelings do not matter.” If the thoughts and feelings of a child do not matter to a parent, then that child will take that into adulthood. They will never feel like their feelings are justified. They will think there is something wrong with them feeling the way they do. There are not enough therapists in the world to help all those damaged by the words their hearts heard when they were younger.
Finding a safe tribe is a challenge at any age. I have prayed for each of my children and grandchildren to find their tribe who will love them well.
Oh, Leah, you are a wise little girl. You are so much your mother’s daughter. Choose your tribe of friends with a sifting of kindness and gentleness. And Leah, enjoy your time-out.
Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.