Last week I shared with you that I’m starting a new series in this column about how to lighten our mental loads. Before we go further, I want to share that my column won’t make the mental load completely disappear. Unless you’re a hermit living in a one-room cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere, you must carry at least a little of it. It’s called life, folks.
This series WILL help you lighten the load by at least 50 percent in the following areas:
- Home
- Marriage/Partnerships
- Children
- Pets
- Transportation
- Career
- Birthdays and celebrations
- Vacations (yes, even these are filled with mental loads)
- Holidays
- Hobbies
- Caring for a parent or other relative
- Volunteering/Church activities
We’ll work together to lighten the mental load through technology and other methods. I am literally going on the journey with you (again!) as I write this each week.
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Up until about seven years ago, I thought I was doing OK with my mental labor. A friend of mine who doesn’t have kids once asked me how I did it all. I simply replied, “I’m really organized!” Yes, I would have the occasional sense of feeling overwhelmed or weary. But most of the time I was able to keep all the balls in the air while I juggled tasks from day to day.
In November 2016, my mom was diagnosed with dementia after yet another fall. My two siblings and I had suspected something was wrong, but we weren’t able to persuade Mom to get any help. This was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. We hurriedly moved her from South Bend to an assisted living facility just five minutes from my Noblesville home.
The three of us divided and conquered her care. My sister Vicky lived in Florida, so she supported everything from a distance and did all she could for Mom when she visited. My brother stepped up and he handled Mom’s finances and insurance along with his wife Janie. I can’t express my gratitude enough that I didn’t have to deal with THAT stuff!
I took care of Mom’s day-to-day needs such as groceries; medication purchases; doctor, dentist, and eye appointments; and the general weird emergencies that typically pop up about once a month. I made sure we had some fun as well, of course! Having her here to participate in things like my son’s choir concerts was a joy. I felt lucky to have had her with us until she died in April of 2022.
However, my mental load gradually got heavier because I became one of her caregivers. Thus, I was a little more… well… cranky. In the past I’ve not been one to curse often. That changed dramatically! I was ready for some changes like millions of others in the world.
Before we start this journey to lighten our mental load, we’ll look at what got us to this point. How did we become a society with minds like computers with hundreds of tabs open?
We’ll also talk about how not to add to other people’s mental labor. We’ll discuss the steps we must take to not carry much of a mental load in our retirement years – the period of life that is supposed to be easy and relaxing but is sometimes just as busy as our working years!
Finally, we’ll talk about how to find time to relax, unwind, and take care of ourselves more often to get a necessary break from that mental labor.
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Before we begin, I’d like to thank the French Cartoonist commonly known as Emma for bringing the mental load to the world’s attention a few years ago. When I first saw her comic highlighting it, I literally read it three times. In fact, she published a graphic novel on the topic at the same time, which I purchased.
It’s been such an eye-opener to realize this is a problem facing people not just in the United States, but worldwide. According to the French Institute of Statistics, women are still devoting 25 times more hours to chores than men. It was almost a relief to see someone finally creating a label for what so many of us deal with every day.
It’s like they say, you can’t solve a problem unless you properly identify it. Emma’s brilliance helped everyone get talking around the globe.
I’m ready to start this journey with you. See you next week!