From the Heart
“I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself.”
– T.D. Jakes
The struggle is real. The victim is me.
I’ve been having this ongoing discussion with God.
“Okay God, scripture tells me that 77 times I must forgive. How long does it take to forgive 77 times? I know I need to do this. My head tells me I need to forgive but my heart is struggling. You see God, the words and actions of this person hurt me to the quick of my heart. Each time I remember what was said and done, it is like salt and vinegar being poured into a wound.
“It’s not an easy journey, to forgive people. But it is such a powerful place because it frees you.”
– Tyler Perry.
The damage is done. Nothing can change the outcome. Decisions were made. Decisions that I, literally, begged to differ, and not in a pretty way. Decisions that will haunt me until the day I die.
So where do I go from here? I wish I knew how long the hurt would stay so tender. I wish I could say this forgiveness journey is easy. It is not.
Has the person apologized? No. Would it make it easier to forgive them if they did? Good question. I do not have the answer.
My emotions are raw. The desire to forgive is real. With that being said, it is still a forgiveness journey that I am on.
“God, do they even have any idea how much they hurt me? Do they lay awake at night thinking about what they said and did … like I do?”
“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I keep stumbling over anger and hurt on this journey. The wound is so fresh and the pain is a vicious reminder. I know I must move on and not allow bitterness to find a home in my heart. “God, can I just hold onto this anger a little bit longer? I’m not done feeling this way.”
And God reminded me it’s time to let go and begin healing. One day at a time. Forgiveness is a process. Perhaps that is why scripture says 77 times.
The decision to forgive has been made. Let the healing begin.