Just listen

Sandwiched

Last Saturday I was enjoying a book signing/selling event at Half Price Books on West 86^th Street when my phone rang. I saw that it was my mom.

Ordinarily I wouldn’t answer my phone during a book sale, but when it’s Mom, I drop everything. And, fortunately, no one in the store was visiting any authors at that time.

I answered and heard her weary voice on the other end. Mom explained to me that her toilet wasn’t working and that no one from her assisted living facility could fix it for another 90 minutes.

“I have to walk down the hallway now whenever I need to use the bathroom,” she explained miserably.

Now, for most of us, going down the hallway to go to the bathroom is not a big deal. To an 87-year-old woman using a walker and battling bladder issues, it’s daunting. I felt her frustration and was also upset because I was 45 minutes away and couldn’t help her. I knew my husband and kids were either working or out of town.

As I felt a rising sense of unease well up within me, I suddenly realized that even if I were close by, there wasn’t much I could do anyway. I’m not a plumber, and my abilities only go as far as the use of a plunger. But I knew there was one important way I could help her in the next few minutes.

I explained to Mom that I was in Indianapolis in the middle of a book sale and signing and that I wished I could help her.

“I’m sorry you’re dealing with this right now,” I said sympathetically, “It really stinks. I hope they can get there sooner.”

Mom’s voice immediately lifted.

“I appreciate that, Honey,” she replied. I chatted with her a little bit more and asked her to call me when the toilet was fixed. I heard her tone change from frustration to calm.

I realized in that brief conversation that Mom didn’t need me to rush over to fix everything. She just needed someone to listen to her frustrations.

Isn’t that what most of us need in life no matter what age? How many times do we vent to good friends or co-workers when a difficult situation arises? Even though venting doesn’t necessarily change things, it often helps so we can think clearly and move on with life.

I used to feel so helpless when Mom called me with a frustrating challenge in her life. But then I realized that sometimes, there’s nothing I can do to help her but listen. And that’s often all she needs.

This epiphany has helped me in so many situations in my sandwich generation journey. We want to do all we can to help our loved ones have an easier time in life. But there are just some moments when all we can do is loan them a listening ear, send good thoughts, and say some prayers. And that’s often more helpful than we realize.