Joyful at work? Some people just won’t get it

“Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.” – Mother Teresa

Up until now I’ve shared stories, research, examples, ideas, and experiences with the idea that we work with (mostly) semi-normal, even-keeled, pleasant individuals. People who aren’t incredibly negative or down all the time. Coworkers and bosses who will probably appreciate our efforts to be joyful people spreading positivity to others.

No matter where you work, there’s usually at least one person who rocks the boat, creates some challenges and is negative overall. It can be our boss, manager, administrative assistant, fellow assembly line worker, and yes, even a receptionist. (And aren’t they supposed to – most of the time – be friendly?)

These people can make it difficult to accomplish our normal tasks at work, let alone allow us to spread joy.

Then there is the type of person I’ll describe as The Wall. This person sees work as work and nothing else. No fun is ever allowed, and God forbid your personal life or any discussion of it enters the department.

The Wall often hates their job and absolutely nothing is going to change that feeling. The Wall is there each day to work eight or more hours and then get out as quickly as humanly possible.

Lolly Dasko, president and CEO of Lead from Within, wrote one of the best articles I’ve ever seen on inc.com on this topic in June 2015. She says right in the headline that difficult coworkers can drain the joy out of our work and make us less effective. She suggests using one or more of the five “A’s” to help deal with these individuals:

1. Accept. Dasko says this is the toughest step of all and for good reason. We have to stop wishing that the person will change and instead commit to rising above the situation. This includes not taking the bait. If we can conquer this step, we’ll grow tremendously.
2. Anticipate. If we can look ahead and think about what might cause trouble with this individual, we can often avoid or mitigate it. The Boy Scout motto comes into play here – be prepared!
3. Adjust. If there are frequent misunderstandings and conflicts, take some time to examine what is happening on your side. Dasko emphasizes good listening, empathy, and openness. This can help minimize the conflicts and help you model good responses.
4. Attune. What can you appreciate about the person? In my entanglement years ago with a woman I’ll call Vanessa, I truly did admire her skills, which had won her numerous awards. Dasko points out that we also need to look inside ourselves for this step. We’re often bothered by behaviors in others that we don’t like about ourselves.
5. Avoid. This is personally my favorite solution and I’m sure it’s a popular one with many folks! If possible, focus on minimizing contact with the person. Maybe another co-worker has no trouble whatsoever with the individual and can be the occasional go-between for you. Perhaps you can use email or other technology to communicate and get the work done. Take advantage of working from home as much as you need to if it’s an option. Dasko warns us not to become a recluse or subvert other workplace relationships, however.
6. Apply. If all else fails, perhaps changing departments, transferring to a different location, or moving on to a different company altogether is the best solution.

Dasko states that change can be challenging, but it also moves our careers forward. “There will always be annoying, angry, chagrined, cross, irritating, and difficult people in our lives,” Dasko summarizes. “We may not be able to fix them, but we can always care for and protect ourselves.”

Amy Shankland is a writer and fundraising professional living in Noblesville with her husband John, two sons, two dogs, and a cat. You can reach her via email at amys@greenavenue.info.