Last week I ended my column with a question: How did our mental loads get so bad in recent decades that we are losing sleep and becoming more anxious and depressed?
One reason is the massive size of some of our houses. In the past 40 years the average size of the American home has increased by about 1,000 feet. In Australia, the average house size has more than doubled in the past 60 years. Bigger houses equal more upkeep, more to clean, more to repair, and more to keep track of. That can be a job in itself. In fact, our friend Rick has a part-time job taking care of a mansion owned by a successful local orthodontist!
Owning a car, let alone two or more, also adds to the mental load. Until World War II and into the late 1940s, many Americans did not own a car. In 2001, the average licensed driver owned 1.1 vehicles. Keeping track of the repairs, maintenance, cleaning, and fueling for one vehicle is challenging enough. Obviously, the more vehicles you add, the more mental labor involved.
As I mentioned previously, it’s common for both partners in a relationship to have jobs these days. Yes, they are often splitting chores a little more evenly than years ago, but the management of all those tasks unfortunately falls to one person most of the time. Even if you don’t have children, it’s tiring.
“I call it my second shift,” a friend of mine once said about her mental labor. She and her husband don’t have kids, but they both work full-time outside the home, have a dog, and own two cars. They also have elderly parents battling health issues. My friend works from 8 to 4:30 Monday through Friday, then starts her “second shift” at 5 when she gets home, as her husband is an attorney who often has evening meetings.
The mental load goes to a whole new level when you add children to the mix. Birth rates are falling around the world, so you would think that having smaller families would help with the mental labor many of us take on when raising children. However, even having just one child creates a big mental load.
Today in the U.S., children have homework starting in kindergarten! A friend of mine has middle school daughters who are sometimes up past 10 o’clock at night working on homework. They often need help from a parent. As of this writing, I am 52 years old. I didn’t have homework until I was in fifth grade, and it took me maybe a half an hour to complete it.
Parents are expected to be at their children’s schools more often. I remember my mother, who was a stay-at-home mom, chaperoning two of my field trips. That’s it. I didn’t feel deprived or neglected either. Now most parents face the pressure to become active members of their PTO or other school-based organization.
We’ll continue to explore reasons for our increased mental labor in the weeks ahead.