Handling anger

Lord, lead me not into wanting to jerk a knot in someone’s tail.

That prayer may seem a bit strange, but I can assure you, it is sincere. It may be my translation of Matthew 6:13. “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” It is part of the Lord’s Prayer.

As I reach an age where there is more sand in the bottom of my hourglass than at the top, I realize the time I have wasted by being angry with people. I still get my panties in a bunch, my bowels in an uproar, and I get madder than an old wet hen.

I understand, all too well, the feeling of righteous indignation. You know, that feeling of anger over things that are unfair or unjust. You can’t tell me you have not had moments where you want to jerk a knot in someone’s tail. Righteous indignation is a moment of passionate anger.

I have learned how to manage my anger and handle it effectively … most of the time. I take a long walk. (The angrier I am, the longer the walk.) I call my daughter, Emily, who helps me process my anger. She’s my voice of reason and my familial therapist. I might add that she’s also my hurt barometer. That will be discussed in a later column.

I ask myself questions as I walk and process my anger. Does what I am angry about affect only me? Does my anger come from a comment or action someone made, and was it intentional? Is my anger justified, and if so, what do I do with it? I write in my journals about a lot of emotions. I hope my daughter remembers to burn them after my earthly departure.

My anger is greater when someone has hurt those I love.

I knew when my mother made the comment that she wanted to jerk a knot in someone’s tail that she felt justified in her feelings of anger.

Being angry bothers me. I don’t like to be angry, which angers me more. For me, anger is a waste of time and emotion. Anger is exhausting.

I’ve never understood why people carry their anger like a backpack on their shoulders and then lash out at innocent bystanders.

As I process my anger, I journal, and then I usually find myself cleaning, organizing, or working in the yard. Pulling weeds is excellent therapy. Grabbing that little weed by the throat and pulling out its little root gives me great pleasure.

There was a time I would try to suppress my anger. Then I read where even Jesus got angry. In the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and John, the story is told of him tossing a few tables in righteous indignation. I think he would be tossing a few tables today.

Photo provided by Janet Hart Leonard

This week, I pulled a few weeds, took a walk, and even treated myself to a bouquet of flowers. My panties were no longer in a bunch. My bowels had settled down, and I did not jerk a knot in anyone’s tail. By the way, did you know you can jerk a knot in someone’s tail with your words?

Another thing I can still hear my mother say, “Janet Kay, you need to pray for those that make you angry.” It is not an easy thing to do, but I have learned to do it. I pull the weed, pray, pull the weed, pray…over and over. Then I go inside the house, smell the flowers, and write in my journal that Emily will someday burn.

Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.