The wisdom of silence & a controlled tongue
Some three decades ago I walked out of a Kroger store in Winchester, Ky. When I pushed my cart to where my car was parked, I discovered, much to my outrage, that someone had hit the right rear quarter panel of my car and did not leave a note or anything to identify them.
The culprit obviously did not know how to drive and did not have even a shred of human decency. They had hit the bumper on the right rear corner and preceded to rip, dent, bang, crush and otherwise destroy the right rear quarter panel. I had a $500 deductible on my insurance and was furious that I would be out that money because of somebody’s stupidity and lack of virtue.
For some unknown reason, I did not say a word. I just stood there fuming. My blood pressure was rising, my heart was racing, and my breathing was becoming shallow. I only knew of one thing to do and that was to call the police.
I was carrying a 12 pack of Diet Pepsi and a sack of groceries, so I decided to sit them in the back seat before going back into the store to use the phone (yes, this was pre-cell phone days). The right rear door was jammed and would not open. I was going to have to put up with my teenage children fussing with each other as to who would have to get in first and slide over. This was not going to be fun!
I stomped over to the left rear door and noticed a pair of gloves and bag that I did not recognize. My green satchel was not in the front seat.
Suddenly I was gripped with a sickening sense of stupidity and an overwhelming sense of relief. What if I had called the police? What if I had expressed my rage in such a way that everyone would have seen it? What if I had found the person, I assumed was responsible and flew all over them? I don’t know why I was struck speechless when I first saw the damaged car, but I am grateful.
As I reflect on this episode, I am reminded of a statement made by the wise man of Proverbs: “Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is counted prudent” (Prov. 17:28). The wise man of Proverbs warns us against the multiplying of words: “When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (10:19). The person who multiples his words for the sake of hearing himself or because of a lack of discipline sets himself up for many a verbal pitfall. Often those who love to multiply words think little of the consequence of the words. Like an unbridled animal that runs wild without thought or awareness of the damage being done, the unbridled tongue sets afire the forests of life (James 3:5-6).
It was once said, “Speak little because for one sin that we may commit by keeping silent where it would be well to speak, we commit a hundred by speaking upon all occasions.
Silence demonstrates self-mastery. The wise man chooses his words with calmness and deliberation. He speaks sparingly rather than spending his words foolishly in a flurry of verbal activity. When he has nothing to say, he says just that – nothing. His silence conceals rather than reveals a lack of knowledge or wisdom. We are admonished in Proverbs to think before we speak: “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him” (18:13).
There are a multitude of reasons why a person might impulsively speak before having all the facts. Some out of pride speak quickly thinking they already know the facts and the answer. Others speak quickly out of a lack of patience. Those with uncontrolled tempers whose words are ignited at the slightest provocation speak quickly without regard for all the facts of the matter. Regardless of the reason, hastily spoken words often lead to grievous injury and shame.
So noxious is this problem and so dangerous are these quick, foolish tongues that the inspired writer of Proverbs declares, “Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (29:20). The fool may be taught, but the man who is quick with his words closes himself off to the education that might lift him out of his self-imposed foolishness.
May each of us heed the words of James, “let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (1:19). May we learn and demonstrate the wisdom of silence and few words.
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