From my kitchen to my village

When I came to the States 18 long years ago, I didn’t know anything about the people, culture, lifestyle, or family values. The only thing I knew was how to cook good food and socialize.

I was born and raised in a joint family of 120 people – yes, I know you’re surprised, as many of you had that many people on your wedding guest list! Growing up in such a crowd, I learned early on that survival skills were essential to carve out a space for myself. Those skills became my greatest asset when I moved to this foreign world as a newlywed, tagging along with a stranger – my husband – after our arranged marriage. (Well, that’s a long story, worthy of another whole column.)

At first, I knew no one except for my husband’s handful of friends – some married, others about to get hitched. So, I started inviting them over for tea and evening snacks right after work, weekend dinners, and even midnight munchies. Every meal I shared became an opportunity – not just to serve food, but to create connections. Exchanging recipes, sharing food stories, and discussing family traditions helped me break the ice, stay connected, and build delicious memories with new friends along the way.

Despite being miles away from home, I found so much in common with others in the ingredients we used, traditional recipes we cherished, and kitchen tips we swapped. In India, I was always surrounded by seasoned chefs – my mom, aunts, grandmothers, and even neighbors who still make something special whenever I visit. But here, in the U.S., food became my medium to find my village.

Our columnist says she has found friendship, warmth, and connection through sharing her cooking. (Photo provided by Pooja Thakkar)

As the saying goes, “It takes a village,” and for me, food was my bridge to finding one. Fast forward to today, and I have hosted countless gatherings at home, at the temple, at my workplace, and in the community. I have also attended numerous networking events where food has always been my trusty icebreaker. Every meal I have shared over the years has not only brought people together but has also woven my own story of belonging.

Through food, I have found friendship, warmth, and connection. It has been my anchor, my language, and my way of saying, “You are welcome here.” In every cup of chai poured, every dish served, and every recipe exchanged, I have built my own village – one meal at a time.

Pooja Thakkar is working to build connections through cuisine. You can read her column each Saturday in the pages of The Reporter.