From the Heart
What if the worst that could happen … happens?
Been there. Survived it.
Anxiety. Worry. Fear. Anticipation. So many unknowns.
Phil Heller, one of the pastors at White River Christian Church, gave a sermon last Sunday that explained fear of the unknown so well.
He wrapped so many feelings in a nutshell … well, actually, in a backpack.
He said that it is on our journey through difficult times in our life that we begin collecting rocks (worries) and place them in a backpack. Eventually, the weight becomes a burden that wears us down. We are affected physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
Sometimes I am able to release a few rocks from my backpack. Other times I pick them up again. And then there are those times that I find new rocks.
Pastor Phil quoted Matthew 6:25-34. One verse stood out to me: “Can all your worries add one single moment to your life?” verse 27 NLT. Another one was verse 34: “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries…”
And yet I tend to worry about the future.
Pastor Phil gave the definition of anxiety as the unpleasant, present emotion, current feeling of fear and inner turmoil produced by the uncertainty of the future.
Facing the unknown is scary. Questions fill my mind, especially in the middle of the night. Anxiety follows me around throughout the day. It is like a shadow that I can’t out run and sometimes cannot pray away.
It’s easy to say that you have faith when life is going along, smoothly, and you are just skipping along. Then you get a diagnosis that you were not prepared for. Worse yet, one that you were not prepared for when it is concerning your child.
I have two forever girlfriends who have a child fighting cancer. It does not matter that they are grown up. They are still their children. Fear greets them every morning.
I have a mother who is losing her independence and strength. It tears me up inside to see her struggle. And I know what happens as her final chapters are quickly being written. I don’t like the last few pages of them.
Life. Is. Hard.
I grew up hearing about faith, not only in church, but sitting with my mother while she read her Bible. Even more so, I saw the faith that she had.
Life, for her, had been filled with … well, I’ll just say that it was not easy for her.
Bad things happen, no matter who you are. Knowing you have a God who never leaves you, nor forsakes you is not just words in the Bible. It is a way of life. It is what faith is all about. Until you face adversity you cannot really understand the definition of faith.
Good ol’ Mr. Webster says that faith is the belief in something for which there is no proof. I understand that YET I have seen what faith has meant to my mother. I have heard the diagnosis of cancer for my dad and then his healing. I believe in the power of prayer.
And yet, sometimes my prayers have not been answered the way I wanted them to be.
While I have had those times when the worst has happened, I’ve never felt alone. I have had some pretty intense conversations with God. I’ve told Him, on occasion, ENOUGH! I was at the end of my rope and there was nothing left in which to tie a knot. My strength was depleted.
My faith had endured a tsunami YET in the midst I was given hope. A word of encouragement by someone who had “been there.” A scripture where I was reminded that even David, a man after God’s own heart, struggled and cried out to God in despair. A phone call, out of the blue, from someone who said they just felt like I needed to hear that they were praying for me.
My faith is not something I take lightly. It is such a huge part of who I am. A woman after God’s own heart, just like my sweet mama.
Though the waves cover me. Though the chapters of my life are not written the way I want them to be. Though I pick up more rocks of worry along the way. Though …
I know what the scripture says. I just have to read it to be reminded. As Hebrews 10:31 says, “Remember those days after you had received the light, when you ENDURED a great conflict full of suffering,” and then in verse 35 it says, “so do not throw away your confidence; it will be greatly rewarded.”
Faith makes the rocks have less power and weight. While they may not disappear, my faith lightens the load.
And so I look forward with confidence because I have seen God work in strange and mysterious ways. My faith is greater than my fear. That is how I live my life.