By JANET HART LEONARD
From the Hart
Oh, those words stung. Now Buttercup, whatcha gonna do?
What do we do when someone says something to us that hurts our feelings?
Chances are the hurt was not intentional. But … it still hurts.
Emotional stingers hit the heart. They consume our thoughts for a bit, sometimes a much longer bit. I’ve been known to bury them and then feel them rise up from their burial place.
They can be prefaced or followed by a quick, “I’m sorry.”
Chances are the person who hurt us feels some guilt and may tell us they do. We often respond “it’s okay” when it really isn’t.
We struggle with making it out to be not a big deal. We question why they said it. We even question our value to the person who said it. And of course, there is the “how would they feel if it were said to them?”
We don’t want to drive an emotional wedge between us. Lord help us not to carry a grudge either.
Emotional muck and yuck is the worst. We wrestle with our thoughts and feelings.
Words cannot be unspoken. They can be forgiven.
Actions cannot be undone. They can be forgiven.
Offenses cannot be unoffended. They can be forgiven.
Hurt cannot be forgotten. It can be forgiven.
Yes, there is a lot of forgiveness there.
It’s a decision we need to make for our mental health as well as the health of the relationship.
While we think we may have thickened our skin over the years, the words can still break through the wrinkled skin of even a veteran survivor of hurtful words.
A discussion may eventually be needed. I hate confrontation. I’d rather just suck it up.
Most likely we just have to move on and convince ourselves that the person feels bad about what they said, even if they never apologize. We hope they feel really bad. Just telling the truth.
Grace and mercy are a big deal in relationships. Sometimes they are sprinkled. Sometimes they are slathered.
Life is too short to live in a state of constant hurt.
So, here’s the other thing. If a person is constantly throwing out emotional stingers our way there may have to be boundaries set. Sometimes those boundaries involve a communication distancing.
Just FYI – no one has thrown emotional stingers towards this buttercup in quite a while. But let’s just say, I do know how to suck it up and slather on the grace and mercy.