By AMY SHANKLAND
For the Reporter
Shankland
I know many of us are excited about the upcoming holidays. Some of us, however, approach them with dread as we think about the potential disagreements that can pop up between us and our family members. Though politics are often the number one source of tension, many topics can invariably turn what should be a special occasion into a dreadful one.
I recently heard that almost half of college students would refuse to share a dorm room with someone from the opposing political party. I also found out that we’ve recently doubled the number of people who are consistently liberal and consistently conservative. Many of us are no longer able to build crucial bridges of understanding or identify common ground.
Thanks to my work with various central Indiana nonprofits and my recent book, Interviews by a Clueless White Woman, I’ve learned some tips I’d like to share with you to help make the holidays easier. They may even turn those difficult conversations into positive, enlightening ones!
First, try to steer clear of those challenging topics in the first place. I prefer to be more of a listener than a talker. As I found out during my numerous years teaching the Dale Carnegie Human Relations Course, people love to talk about themselves. Ask your loved ones where they’ve traveled to this year, what they’re reading or watching, or what is something new or exciting happening in their lives?
Of course, their answers may lead you to what you wanted to avoid! Do your best even before Thanksgiving or any holiday to prepare yourself to hear opinions that are different from your own. This brings me to my second tip – BE OPEN.
Here is my favorite new phrase: “Why do you think that?” Practice this phrase but do it properly. Start by saying it out loud, emphasizing a different word each time. Listen to the difference between saying “Why do you think THAT?” and “WHY do you think that?” You want to do the second version versus the first to sound friendly and open. It makes a big difference!
Third, LISTEN. Don’t just listen to respond, but truly hear where the person is coming from. The goal is to respect differing viewpoints. However, we never want to condone violence or hurting others, and hopefully our loved ones don’t go down that path.
If something doesn’t make sense or is new to you, simply reply “I haven’t heard that. I’ll research it soon.” Make a note and really do it! You may learn something valuable later.
I’ll share what I learned in a civics education conference this fall about leadership. We can all be leaders, not just in big ways, but even within the smallest of families.
Leadership:
- Requires collaboration
- Invests in learning, unlearning, and letting go of what isn’t working
- Self-instructs and self-defines
- Emphasizes relationships between local and global parties
- Responds to and asks more informed questions
My last tip? As we approach the holidays, remember . . . show your family some love. Remember the good things about them. Hopefully we can respect one another and walk away from those gatherings with a smile, more informed minds, and lighter hearts.