As my adoption and reunion story continues, I’ve changed some names, places, and dates.
Around Thanksgiving in 2015, my birth mother Linda and I once again were in the middle of one of our marathon phone conversations. I had sent her a book about a son who had been reunited with his birth mother. The man had been given up for adoption in 1972, one year after I had been placed for adoption.
We talked about the differences and similarities between the man’s story and my own. Thankfully most of his birth mother’s horrible experiences were not shared by Linda. Both of us were struck by the speed at which mother and son had met and merged their lives. At one point he was even going to have her live with him but changed his mind as they both realized things were going too fast.
Linda became teary-eyed at this point in our talk. I had finally told her that I loved her a couple of months prior. How could I not? She had made incredible sacrifices to make certain I had a good life, even taking good care of me in the womb.
“Amy, I can’t say that back to you yet,” she cried, “In some ways you’re still a stranger to me.” My heart melted in sympathy for her.
“I understand,” I replied. “Just like in that book, I really think we should keep taking our time in this process. I even contacted the author to tell her how much I liked her book, and she advised that I do the same thing.”
I think that has been the number one message I’ve repeated to myself and one that I would share with others who are on a journey like mine. At times I wanted to meet everyone I am biologically related to all at once. I used to always hunger for more information and knowledge. I wanted to meet my half-sisters and learn all about them. I yearned to spend an entire afternoon or even a day with Jack and Linda.
But to do all of that and try to rush everything would have been wrong. Tempting, but wrong. It would be absolutely overwhelming for me and probably the same for my biological relatives. I had to remember that we’re human, and just like all human beings, we have both our good points and our faults. It was easy to fantasize and paint a certain picture about my birthparents and their relatives.
Like any important relationship, taking time to really get to know one another is vital in an adoptee reunion scenario. I’ve joked with both Jack and Linda that I’m glad they’re not derelicts. They’re good, kind, intelligent people whom I enjoy speaking with. To have found them so quickly and to know a little more about them every time we speak, and in turn learn more about myself, is a blessing.
My adoption reunion story could have gone in so many different directions. I thanked God every day that overall, it had been a good experience. I looked forward to the day that I would meet Linda. I looked forward to other days where I hopefully would meet my half-sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews.
I also wanted to meet Jack’s wife, Dawn. I didn’t know for certain, of course, what would happen, but I kept my faith and remained cautiously optimistic.