What is said to a child will not only be heard with his ears but with his heart. The heart chamber is full of echoes from words spoken to a child long after he is grown.
A young man told me how excited he was to go fishing as a child until … his dad ridiculed his ability to fish. He never went fishing again. He still remembers those words and how they made him feel. Those words took the joy out of the moment. I saw the hurt in his eyes. I’m sure his dad had no idea the damage he had done. The words still echo. The hurt still hurts.
I remember walking to the car after one of my grandson’s ball games. I didn’t know the dad and son who walked in front of us. The dad told his son, “You should have caught that ball. You should have slid into home plate.” So many you should haves and not one “atta boy.” It wasn’t just the words but the tone of his voice. I bit my tongue. My heart hurt for that son.
A teachable moment went awry.
I once asked my grandson, Jake, if he could hear me yelling at his baseball games from the bleachers. “Grandma, I hear you,” and he smiled. He knows if Grandma Janet is in the stands, she will be yelling words of affirmation from the bottom of her heart to the top of her lungs. “Go, Jake!” because Grandma believes in you and your ability to do great things.
The power of the words of a grandma sitting in the second row of the bleachers … both physically and in life. Who knew there was so much power in the voice of a parent or grandparent while they sit in the bleachers or walk to the parking lot? The agony of defeat goes beyond the ballfield.
You can shower a child with gifts galore, but that is not what they will remember. They will remember what you said to them … even after they are grown – the gift of words or the curse of words.
A few days ago, my three great-grandboys did a drive-by “Hello.” I stuck my head in the window of their Ford Flex, and all three boys started chattering at the same time. The almost three-year-old, Tiberius, says, “GaGa, I made good choices today.” I laughed. I told him I was proud of him. I knew exactly where he had heard those words before. They came from his daddy.
Photo provided by Janet Hart Leonard
Matthew has such a calm way of speaking to his boys. That’s not to say his voice doesn’t raise on occasion, but, for the most part, his voice is kind and controlled, even when he is disciplining them. He emphasizes good choices. (Like not getting into the Vaseline and smearing it on each other.)
Harsh words do not toughen a child. They destroy a child’s self-esteem. No parent would throw rocks at their child’s heart, yet …
If words are repeatedly spoken in frustration and anger, they tell a child they will never measure up to a parent’s expectations. They learn not to love themselves. They may spend a lifetime looking for love and acceptance. If only …
Every parent has their not-so-proud of themselves moments. I did. I learned the power of an “I’m sorry.”
If you think words do not matter … ask the young man who remembers why he doesn’t want to go fishing.
It’s not just fish that are caught.
When you talk, you should always be kind and wise. Colossians 4:6 ERV
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Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.