There are certain bold statements you make before having children that after having them, you realize how little you once knew about being a parent. You know, those statements like “my child will never have a tablet at the table when we go out to dinner.” I used to say that I would not bribe my kids; they would simply do as they are told. Right? No. And if you still insist that you won’t, well, you haven’t potty trained a stubborn three-year-old little boy recently.
There are few things that make a parent sweat and cause stress quite like the impending deadline of preschool approaching. Why? Children must be completely potty trained before beginning school. It’s a rite of passage in the life of a toddler and their parents. It’s the end of an era. It’s kind of the bridge from baby/toddler to little kid.
My first-born picked up potty training very quickly. She is my people-pleaser. She did well with a little sticker chart on the fridge and a prize bag. In fact, it was so uneventful with my daughter that I barely remember it.
Well, then there’s my Paddy. My sweet and spunky, sticky, and oh-so-stubborn little boy. Unlike his sister, he is not a people-pleaser. He’s a doll, but you’re not going to rattle his cage, and quite frankly, if you don’t like it, he doesn’t really care.
Pat doesn’t do well with change. In fact, his initial response to anything new is to not like it. Then, once he’s comfortable with it, he is fine. It’s a dance we’ve done for over three years and have artfully mastered with him at this point. He did not want a big boy bed, he did not like the idea of transitioning from diapers to pull ups, and he wasn’t crazy about a toothbrush either. He has never been in a hurry to grow up. Given that he’s my baby, I’ve probably let him get by with more, and his stubbornness is one of his most endearing qualities.
The time came to begin potty training. We did the whole production of going to the store to pick out our big boy underwear. He settled on Buzz Lightyear and Spiderman drawers. While we were at the store getting his underwear, he found the toy section. He found a big Woody and Buzz toy from Toy Story that he thought he needed to have. Of course, my daughter chimed in that she also needed this special Frozen toy, too. I told them that we were not going to get those toys today, but maybe we would another day or he could think about it for Christmas. End of story.
First round of bribes. (Photo provided by Megan Rathz)
He had a sticker chart on the fridge. Don’t forget the gummy bears. I brought this home and we went over the whole deal. If he goes potty on the toilet, he gets a sticker for his chart, a gummy bear, and then he gets to pull a prize from his special bag.
If you’ve potty trained recently, you probably have done what all parents do. You take to the internet to figure out what to do. Everything says stay calm, don’t punish, and never lose your patience. Well, guess what? Those people must have not done this recently because you realize what a game of chess it is when it comes to potty training a kid, especially a smart one.
I quickly realized about an hour into the process that Pat is a highly motivated kid, but it’s on his terms. He is one that you can reason with and will take a bribe. He was hit or miss initially. He did not really care much about the prize bag. Yeah, it was fine the first 10 times or so, but after a while, it lost its luster quickly. He would sometimes go on the potty and other times he was wetting his pants.
In a moment of absolute desperation, I remembered how badly he wanted the Buzz and Woody toys. I decided I could try to bargain with the kid. I went to the store to get the Woody that he saw and loved. If you’ve met my daughter, you know that she is a very bossy little thing that has no problem keeping her brother in check.
Second round of bribes. (Photo provided by Megan Rathz)
I knew that she was going to have to be part of this process and have a buy-in to make this successful. I bought the Frozen toy that she wanted and his Woody from Toy Story. I brought them home and made a special sticker chart.
I told Pat that for every time he goes pee on the potty that he will get a sticker and once he gets 10 stickers, he can have his Woody doll. I told my daughter that she needs to help and encourage Pat, help remind him to go to the bathroom, and each time Pat gets a sticker, so does she. A little peer pressure, right?
Both children could see their toys in the box as were placed on top of the refrigerator. I told him that when he fills the chart, the toy is his. Well, he filled the sticker chart in no time. At this point, he had mastered the No. 1 end of the bathroom, but No. 2 was another story.
Back to the store I went.
This time, I went and got the Buzz Lightyear toy and another doll for my daughter. Except, I’m not about to be played by a three-year-old. You’re not getting this for 10 stickers. That’s child’s play. You’re going to earn your keep and it’s going to cost you 20 stickers. Within a day and a half, the Buzz was his. He still would not poop on the potty. He’s a pee master, but No. 2 is not happening. This kid runs a tough bargain.
Pat is obsessed with my tablet. He begs me any chance he gets to play with it. Sometimes I let him and most of the time I don’t. I was making him sit on the toilet and he asked if he could play on the tablet. I told him no, but that if he pooped on the potty that I would go buy him one for himself. My husband looked at me like I was really starting to lose it. I did not care. I was desperate and if this kid is playing chess with me, I’m losing.
This required a brand-new sticker chart. My husband and I are well-aware that we are both being manipulated by a three-year-old, and at this point, my only question is: what’s your price, young man? What will it be? A tablet? Fine.
Off to Target I went.
The new sticker chart on the fridge had a cartoon of poop on it, which my son just adored and was tickled pink with laughter. This one is going to cost you seven stickers, pal.
Third time’s a charm, right? (Photo provided by Megan Rathz)
I was talking to a friend and sharing our potty-training adventures. He reminded me that it’s all about perspective and he’s my last one to ever need diapers. Then, I’m reminded that my little baby is really growing up and going to school. Before I know it, I’m going to blink and he’s going to be in high school, and I’ll be telling his girlfriend how long it took for him to stop pooping his pants.
Is he playing me? Probably. Does a little part of me respect his stubbornness and get a kick out of him? Most definitely. Does bribery work? Yes. Everyone has their price. Pat certainly had his and I have mine. By any means necessary to get this kid ready for school and he was just smart enough to take me to the cleaners over it.
He’s a stinker in more ways than one.
Megan Rathz is a wife, mother, and teacher. She says everything she has ever learned in life came from her Master Gardener mother.