Sandwiched
While sitting in an important Lilly Endowment grant application meeting on Wednesday morning, January 22, my phone vibrated with a text message. Glancing down, I nearly gasped – it was my mom’s grocery delivery “saint” (as I call him) Scott. He was checking in with me to let me know he was about to begin shopping and he asked if Mom needed anything else.
“No, thank you,” I quickly texted, “But she’s going to kill me because I forgot to tell her you were coming. She may still be in her robe and slippers.”
To those of us who are more casual, this may not have been a huge deal. But I knew my mom would be unhappy when Scott arrived at her door to see her not properly dressed for the day.
Being the good grant consultant, I had chosen a seat front and center for this meeting. I didn’t want to miss one word about this huge opportunity. So, with a small sigh, I decided to not hop up to leave the room and call Mom. I had to resist beating myself up for the next 90 minutes.
I felt the same way when Mom had called me a few weeks prior and left a voicemail when she couldn’t find her TV remote control – which IS a huge deal for older folks. I was in the middle of hoop dancing with friends and didn’t get the message until after 9 p.m., which is her bedtime. I did beat myself up over that one.
In the grand scheme of things, however, I later realized these instances were not the end of the world. As Mom’s primary caregiver, I have a tendency to drop everything when she calls, no matter how big or small the situation may be. Perhaps it’s the whole guilt thing – I mean, she took care of me for all those years, so now it’s my turn to take care of her.
But Mom somehow survived with her grocery delivery and a staff member had helped her find her remote when I called her the following morning. She actually sounded chipper.
Like so many caregivers, I’ve got a busy career and am taking care of my own family and household along with my mother. Things are going to slip on occasion. I’m finally realizing that I’m never going to be completely perfect in this sandwich generation role.
Once in a while, Mom will have to deal with the small crises in life. And I’ve learned that it’s okay. Hopefully I’ll remember these stories to avoid beating myself up again in the future!