Articles by Scott Saalman

For Dave Barry “How’s your butthole today?” That’s how my proctologist greeted me upon entering the exam room just before my colonoscopy. Her tone was as chirpy as if she…

Which would you rather visit, the Bureau of Motor Vehicles (BMV) office to renew your driver’s license or a proctologist’s office to get an exam? A no-win answer either way,…

In 2019, I toured the mammoth Toyota Motor Manufacturing Indiana (TMMI) plant in Princeton, Ind. How big is TMMI? The tour involves boarding a tram. Need I say more? At…

MANHATTAN – I had been forewarned and wary of the rudeness of New Yorkers clear back to 1983 when as a high school senior I saw Terms of Endearment. In…

“A book is a loaded gun in the house next door. Burn it. Take the shot from the weapon.” – Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 PODCAST COLD OPEN: I’m Guy Razz,…

This happened several years ago. After showering, I slid on my underwear, a pair plucked from the laundered mound on my bedroom floor. What I did not know then was…

In 2021, my mother was buried at We Love Where We Live cemetery in the river town that she was moored to her whole life. The cemetery’s official name is…

I watched the resort’s breakfast cook, John, via the kitchen’s pass-through window, crack eggs. He had an Anthony Bourdain vibe. I looked forward to my free, seaside omelets. Omelets were…

My earliest memory of being embarrassed by a parent happened at Saddle Lake in 1974. I was 10. The episode scarred my psyche so badly that even now, at 58,…