From the Heart
Faith isn’t found in the good times. Faith isn’t found in the prettiness of life.
Faith is found in the muck and yuck of life. It’s found in the hurt, in the questions, when life is unfair and when nothing makes sense. It is in the darkest hours when faith is found.
Faith takes on Goliath when you are simply a David with a tiny, insignificant stone. You face your greatest fears and go into battle when you have no choice.
Faith is found in the room as you wait for the results of tests that you never wanted to have done. You get the phone call to have more tests. You wait some more.
And you pray … a lot.
It is true that you plan your life … and then life changes those plans.
You marry for better or for worse … ‘til divorce do you part. What happened to the “’til death do you part” in the vows?
You sit with your children in the fifth pew, organ side, of the sanctuary in the church where you grew up. You pray that your children learn the wisdom of the Scriptures. What if your child becomes a prodigal? You question whether you failed as a mother.
You work hard to succeed in your job and then you find that job isn’t paying the bills. It wasn’t that you did anything wrong. The economy pushed you out the door and you found yourself looking for a new career at almost 50 years old.
You sit beside the hospital bed and hold onto the hand that held yours all those years when you were a child. You realize that you are now the caretaker.
You know this is not an easy journey your parent is on. You are along for the ride, along with the bumps and crashes. You are just there to make it a little bit easier. Sometimes it’s just being there. You feel it’s never enough. Never enough.
You find yourself having to make decisions you never wanted to make. You sign papers you never wanted to sign. Please Lord …
You pray prayers you never imagined praying. Sometimes the prayers have no words, just open hands while you wipe tears.
You never imagined the faith you would need when you were growing up in that little church at 10th and Grant streets.
When you accepted Christ at that altar at the age of seven you never had any idea how many Goliaths you would battle or what your faith would look like.
Life was supposed to make sense if you played by all the rules and you were a good girl.
You had no idea that your “happily ever after” would be so far down the road.
God was faithful at that altar when you were a little girl. Your mother taught you to remember the scriptures. “Seek and ye shall find.” “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, in all ways acknowledge him and he shall give you the desires of your heart.”
You learned so much about faith from your mother. Her life was never easy. You pray you can be that kind of woman, a woman of great faith. Complete trust in God when life makes no sense. Audrey taught you well.
You carry a small stone of faith as you know there will be more Goliaths you will face.
You will be okay, Janet. You are your mother’s daughter.