An invitation for Grace

What if we invited Grace to the holidays, not Grace, the person, but Grace, the act of compassion, kindness, and courtesy?

Why do we put so much pressure on our families and ourselves? We want the perfect Christmas, so we spend hours shopping for the perfect gifts and decorating our homes to the nines … the ultimate and most elaborate.

Do you know that perfect means satisfying all the requirements? Hmm.

We seek perfection, yet we need to see the beauty of the not-so-perfect.

Remember the angel at the top of the Christmas tree when you were a kid? She had wings that had lost most of their feathers, and her velvet dress felt more like burlap. Yet, she was part of the hand-me-down traditions – priceless traditions. Christmas wouldn’t feel like Christmas without her.

You know how we always want to find the perfect gift? I remember all too well in 1983 when I felt I would fail as a mother if I did not find a Cabbage Patch Kid for my two-year-old daughter. I braved the winter elements to stand outside 3D to grab a doll as soon as the doors opened. I can’t count how many lines I stood in to finally come home with the trophy/Cabbage Patch Doll. Emily was thrilled – well, as thrilled as a two-year-old can be. Maybe she would have been just as happy with a Betsy Wetsy doll, but NO.

The holidays bring together families that might have a little “dys” in their functions. Uncle Ebenezer brings politics to the dinner table, and Grandma calls your new boyfriend by the name of your old boyfriend. I use these examples because they never happened with our family. We have experienced our own rather uncomfortable moments.

The hardest part of the holidays is when someone is missing. It’s brutal. The empty chair. The missing laughter. We think we should stifle and stuff our feelings, but emotions are real. My mother passed on December 17, 2020. I don’t remember that Christmas. I remember the nightmare road trip to Tampa the day after the celebration of her life, but that is all I remember. I gave myself Grace to grieve. I still give myself the Grace to do so. It still comes in waves. Grief is love stuffed in a heart with no place to go. Grief screams louder during the holidays. Memories cause tears to trickle down my cheeks as I embrace the memories. Grace allows the tears to fall.

We watch the Hallmark movies and dream about the same holiday scenarios for our families. Sometimes, we can relate more to the Christmas Vacation movie with Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo. Some might even have a Cousin Eddie in their family.

Has anyone ever felt the pressure to make everyone happy? How has that worked out? May I introduce you to Grace?

If you think it’s difficult when you get married and have two places to go, try having divorced parents, and you can soon quadruple the pressure. I call it the holiday tug-of-war. Spoiler alert … no one wins.

I have attempted to make it easier for my kids by asking them when they want to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. There is less rush and much less frustration. I usually get them for a longer time.

As our grandchildren are all grown, I have started finding one appropriate gift for the girls and one for the guys. It helps, but there are always exceptions. When all else fails, there is the gift card, which they all seem to love. It’s not this grandmother’s favorite gift to give, but if they think it’s perfect, then it’s perfect.

Here’s the thing: the tree, the gift, and the house do not all have to be perfect. Give yourself the Grace to relax and enjoy. An imperfect Christmas can bring the best memories.

So, please invite Grace to your Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. You will love the holidays even more.

Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.