An apology is not a solution

Chasing Wisdom

For years I have been saying, “It is not really the thought that counts.” Now I’m adding, “An apology is not a solution.”

“What? It’s not the thought that counts? Stu, you fool, of course the thought counts!”

No. It does not.

Want proof? Donate anonymously. It could be as simple as a bag of groceries sitting on the front porch of a family you know might struggle during the holidays.

Then wait and see if anyone asks what the donor was thinking, or if they focus instead on how much the gift – the act – is appreciated.

The intention behind the act can add a layer of deeper meaning, but what we do for others is more important than what we think.

“But, Stu, that just means that thoughtful action counts. What about when it really is just the thought?”

Try this: Next time you take someone to dinner, go to McDonalds. Buy them the cheapest cheeseburger on the menu and say, “I thought about treating you to steak and lobster and it’s really the thought that counts. Enjoy your grease on a bun, dear.”

Let me know how that works out for you.

Also, if you accidentally drop that cheeseburger on the floor, just pick it up, dust it off and say, “I’m sorry,” as if that will fix the whole thing.

Let me know how that works, too.

An apology expresses that you did not intentionally cause harm, but it is not a solution.

Offer a solution.

My vehicle recently tried to be Christine from that Steven King story. While on the road, the electric driver’s seat started tilting forward. It did not stop until I felt like a little old lady holding the steering wheel inches from her face. If I had T-Rex arms, it would be quite comfortable to drive.

I do not have T-Rex arms.

I called my mechanic and explained the problem. We set an appointment for a Friday and added an oil change to the service call.

I dropped the vehicle off the night before.

By 2:20 p.m. I had not heard anything, so I called. They had not even looked at it.

They apologized and said they’d get right on it, they’d call me as soon as they knew what the fix was, and I could pick it up by the end of the day.

At 4:25 p.m. I had not heard anything, so I called.

They apologized for not calling me back. They told me why they could not fix or diagnose the problem. I asked about the cost of the oil change. They said they had not priced it yet. I heard that to mean, “We have not changed the oil yet.”

When I arrived at 4:45 p.m. it was still getting the oil changed.

I was livid.

I asked what they would do to make this right.

The lady behind the counter said, “I’m sorry.”

I said, “I don’t care if you’re sorry. I need a solution. What is your solution?”

I got excuses and another apology.

“Still not a solution. An apology will not fix my truck. At a bare minimum, how do we make sure this never happens again?”

A gentleman behind the counter then interjected, “The lady said she’s sorry.”

I was stunned to silence for at least three seconds as my brain tried to process this fundamental flaw in their logic. Then I ranted for a bit because I enjoy a good rant.

She said she’s sorry, so that must make everything fine?

She said she’s sorry so it’s acceptable that it took over 24 hours to change the oil? To not even start until I called? To not call me to explain they were running behind? To not call me back to tell me they can’t fix it? To not refer me to someone else? To not at least tell me why this won’t happen again?

But she’s sorry.

Oh. Okay then. I guess that fixes it.

Now I just need either a new mechanic or a set of T-Rex arms.