Ain’t no cure for the soccer time blues

I’m a-gonna raise a fuss, I’m a-gonna raise a holler. At least I would if I could see through the sweat in my eyes.

It’s that time of year. It’s soccer season! Ronaldo? Messi? Nope, it’s more like Rathz and Rathz. My four-year-old boy and six-year-old girl are both starting their first year of soccer. This is both of their first organized sports. The problem? I know absolutely nothing about soccer. Now are you impressed that I knew Ronaldo and Messi? Thank you, Google!

I grew up as a sports guy. I loved playing baseball, basketball, and football. I went on to coach baseball and basketball for several years and I love watching a slew of sports on TV. The one thing I was never able to get into was soccer. So, of course the first sport my children play is … SOCCER! Okay, well I guess I just became a soccer fan. So, soccer it is.

Like most leagues, the one my kids play in were looking for coaches. That’s a hard no for me. That is not a slight against soccer or soccer coaches. In fact, quite the opposite. There is a ton of skill involved in soccer, and I don’t know the first thing about it. So, just as I was wiping my brow in relief for dodging that bullet, my wife informed me she signed me up to be the team parent for my daughter. So, yes. I am now officially a soccer mom. Post-game snack sign-ups and all.

So, since I’m new to being a fan, all I have experienced so far has been August soccer. I can only pray September and October soccer gets better. Now, I’m not talking about the sport itself at all. I am talking about the surface of the sun temperatures while I sit in a puddle of my own sweat (at least I hope that what that is) and trying to watch my children through the salty perspiration dripping down my face. I was unaware that there is absolutely no shade anywhere near a soccer field. I even bought one of those camping chairs with the awning over top of it. When it’s 500 degrees and zero clouds in the sky, there is really nothing an awning chair can do to help.

Another thing I was unaware of is, apparently, there is a plague of hover flies, sweat bees, or whatever the H. E. double hockey sticks they are (we can talk about hockey in another column, though). I think I’d be happier if it was a plague of locusts, but instead I’m stuck with these torturing demons. They are everywhere! I spend half of every practice swatting and shooing.

The kids starting sports was definitely a shock to the system for my wife and me. We were quite used to our days consisting of work/school then home for the night. We’d leisurely cook dinner and meander on up to bed when we were darn good and ready.

That quickly changed to: work/school – race home, weaving in and out of traffic – slap together whatever is in the fridge and throw it into everyone’s mouths – try to get socks over top of shin guards and shove shoes onto feet, miraculously without breaking any bones – fill water bottles – lightly toss children into the car – drive at Indy 500 speeds to practice in rush hour traffic – try to come to a complete stop before rushing the kids out of the car – set up our death chairs with awnings on them – sweat – go home and fall on my bed.

While this is quite a change from what we are used to, I know this is going to be the pace for many years to come. There will be more sports, activities, homework, and events. So, I need to prep my 40-something self.

The moral of the story is … As kids grow and get more involved in activities, it’s way more than them just being cute with long socks and shin guards. It’s also sweat. A lot of sweat. But I wouldn’t change a thing (except maybe those bees and flies).

The Hamilton County Reporter’s favorite Soccer Mom, Tim Rathz, can be reached at 40somethinginfishers@gmail.com. Follow on Facebook or Instagram.