From the Heart
She put the thoughts into my head and the words into my mouth. Her name is Audrey. She is my mother.
Funny how I have found myself sounding like my mother, more and more.
I have written about her “Audreyisms” as far as the expressions she has often spoken.
You have read about people being “funny turned” in my column. That came from my mom. People who ruffle her feathers or are a bit odd. My friends have latched on to that saying. It can explain a lot without sounding so judgmental. “Well, they are a bit funny turned.”
I’m often heard saying. “Oh my goodness, I about had a come apart.” That expression has now filtered amongst my friends and coworkers. “Come apart” can mean meltdown or conniption fit. Let’s just say that a conniption fit is not pretty.
If you get my mother and her sisters together you will, more than a half dozen times, hear them say “well, bless her heart.” This can mean that a person is making a bad decision, wearing an outfit unbecoming to her figure or age, is sickly, or any number of things. Apparently saying “bless her heart” allows you to give your opinion no matter what it is.
Mom has taught me a few peculiar superstitions or old wives’ tales.
One being that if a bird gets in the house it is a sign of impending death. Just for the record I have had two birds get into my house over the some 40 years that I have lived there and no one died that I knew.
Speaking of death: Did you know that death comes in threes? If someone close to you passes away then expect two more to follow. I have found that to sometimes be true. (Even in Hollywood and politics this seems to hold true … just saying).
Mom says that you should never sweep or vacuum the floors after sundown. It will cause bad luck. That explains a few bad luck situations.
Don’t comb your hair after dark because it will cause you to forget. Seriously?
If you are sewing and you cannot finish it by Friday you should not start it. I’m still trying to figure out that one.
Back in the day, before ultrasounds were given to a pregnant woman, my aunts would predict whether the baby would be a boy or a girl by how high or low a woman was carrying the baby. High = girl. Low = boy.
If a woman has heartburn she should expect lots of hair on the baby.
My mom still tells me that I need a jacket or I will catch my death of pneumonia. She better never catch me going outside with wet hair. I’m sure to catch a cold. She often tells me I am cold and I insist that I am not and she tells me I am wrong. And we both laugh.
At 92 my mother still has her sense of humor. I’m just thankful that I have her and her sense of humor.
I hold these thoughts in my mind and in my heart. They make my mom and her sisters who they are, loving and caring and oh so funny. And I might add, a bit strong-willed. I may have caught that from her as well.
I hope I can remember not to comb my hair after dark. I love my mother and her “Audreyisms.” Happy Mother’s day, Mom!