Criticism is not for the tender of heart. Have I told you I am tenderhearted?
“If you can’t say anything nice … don’t say anything at all.” My mother said it so often that I thought it was a verse in the Bible. I’ve come to realize that not everyone had a mother like mine. She had a heart that was overflowing with kindness.
When I am criticized, I hear the negative words over and over. They tuck me into bed at night. Not good enough. I finally fall asleep after wrestling with the question, “What have I done to make them not like me?” I’m told, “Don’t take this personally.” Seriously, how can I not take it personally?
Words of criticism are like shackles as I struggle to let go of their bondage. Is it worth putting myself out there to possibly be criticized again?
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When my book was published, I was so excited to get my readers to review my book on Amazon. Then I saw it … a lone 3 Star review. They did not say why they gave my book (and me) such a “meh” rating. My heart sank. Why didn’t they like my book? Then I saw a 4 Star. I read it as, not good enough. When I told another author about the two somewhat negative reviews, she said, “Ummm Janet, what about the 67 5-Star reviews?” She told me she had the same reaction to reviews of her book that were less than 5 Stars.
I have author friends who have shared with me their struggles with reviews. We take words seriously, and negative comments about our words head straight to our hearts. Trust me when I say … they sting.
Being the receiver of criticism has made me more aware of what I say to others. I avoid criticizing when I know my words might hurt someone. My tender heart feels terrible if I think I have hurt someone’s feelings. I have learned there are ways around being brutally honest when I’m asked for my opinion. I also know that just because I have an opinion, I don’t have to voice it.
Don’t get me started on the criticism I see on social media. It’s open season, all the time, to use a virtual megaphone to blast someone as the one doing the criticizing sits behind a screen of perpetual protection.
“Kindness, people, kindness.” I can hear my mother saying those words.
Is the criticism necessary? Stop and think, “What if it was directed at you? How would you feel?” The tongues and fingertips of some people are razor-sharp.
Yes, I know there is value in constructive criticism. A soft critique goes a long way. I’m talking about remarks that make someone feel “less than” on purpose or carelessly. Many a loose tongue has done major damage to a heart. That sharp tongue has slashed the creativity of many a struggling artist or author. Verbal darts have burst the bubble, filled with hopes and dreams, for those already leery of what possible failure might mean for them.
My mother always said, “Consider the source of the criticism and their reasons for it. Some people are just mean.” She would say, “We need to pray for them.” I sometimes wonder if she didn’t also pray that someone would jerk a knot in their tail. My mother had the best sense of humor.
My mother was a very wise woman. She was also tenderhearted. We need more Audreys in this world.
Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.