“Janet Kay, you need to quit running around like a chicken with its head cut off.”
Oh, I’ve heard my mother say that to me so many times. I still hear her voice, even though she passed two years ago.
Growing up in the hills of Kentucky, Mom would watch as her mother removed the head of the chicken they would be served for supper. Mom knew what a chicken looked like which had just lost its head. It wasn’t pretty, running one way and then another, going in circles and getting nowhere.
You see, for the longest time, I thought I needed to be busy and productive as if I were going to get gold stars from anyone who might be watching me.
Ever-so-proudly, I would check off my to-do lists. I made sure someone around me heard all that I had accomplished. Whew.
I was well acquainted with the little demon of guilt that sat on my shoulders telling me I needed to do more. The voice would continue to say, “More!” until I was mentally and physically exhausted.
It was never enough . ..or so I thought.
For 42 years I was in sales. I think that is one reason I struggle with being still, resting, and not being productive.
At the end of the day, I would mentally check off all the things I had done then I would physically take my blue gel pen and cross off the items of my to-do list. It felt so good.
The funny thing – or rather, the not-so-funny thing – is that what I did not get done had its own list. Those things would tuck me into bed at night and stay on my mind. I should have accomplished more.
I analyzed what I should have gotten done versus what I did get done. Too much time doing the easy-peasy stuff. Avoiding difficult or challenging things waved the red flag of procrastination in my head.
I’ve gotten better at being still and resting. Chuck would say I’m a work in progress.
I love an afternoon where I am curled up on the sofa with my blankey and a cup of coffee with Chobani Sweet Cream and my latest book of choice. It’s not just the blankey that I am wrapped up in. It’s the story of the book.
As the plot thickens and the characters become my imaginary friends, I’m lost in a place where my mind lives for some 300 pages. I’m sad when the book is finished. Good books leave me wanting more.
I forget about the time. Sudden panic arrives and I realize I should have already started supper as Chuck will soon be home from the golf course. Hmmm, guess we will be having something from our favorite local carry-outs. We do need to support local businesses, I tell myself, attempting to quiet the voice of guilt.
Ever so often, my very wise and ever-so-loving husband says, “Janet, you are retired. It’s okay to not be busy.” Have I told you how much I love that man?
I’m even learning to just sit and ponder. Watching the birds challenge each other at our feeders. Drinking my coffee and distinguishing the butterscotch flavor in my Highlander Grogg. Hearing the squirrels scampering up the drainpipe. Feeling the pain in my broken little toe. My senses remind me I am living the best years. (Except for my little toe.)
I think my mother would be proud of me as I’ve found the joy of resting.
And about that chicken? Her head sits on her shoulders and the voice of her mother is reassuring her that resting is not a sin. Even God rested on the seventh day. This chick is getting wiser and less tired as she ages.
Now back to my book and another cup of coffee. Did I mention I’ve read five books this month? Like Chuck says … I’m a work in progress.
Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.