“The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.” – Margaret Thatcher
“Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.” – Winston Churchill
You can vote your way into communism, but you have to shoot your way out. The problem in the past with political jokes was that they get elected. All politics is local. Take a good look at me because you’ll never recognize me once my opponent gets done with me. I’m an honest politician; when I am bought, I will stay bought. Running for office that is been like sticking my face in the blade of a fan.
“Politics has become so expensive it takes a lot of money to even get beat with.” – Will Rogers
We have a deeply divided body politic. One-half of our population believes our elections are broken; the other half believes they are fixed. All the problems we face today can be traced to the unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indians. Political correctness is a doctrine fostered by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.
I’m a man affixed in unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times. I offered my opponent a bargain; if they will stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them. Have you heard about the new Democrat value meal at McDonald’s? Order anything you like and the guy behind you must pay for it. You can tell I’m much more active tonight. That’s thanks to the long nap I had during our last debate. Some of my friends favor abortion and some of my friends are against abortion and I certainly stand with my friends on that issue.
“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.” – Mark Twain
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak out loud and remove all doubt.
“I’m not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.” – Ronald Reagan
Recession is when your neighbor loses his; job depression is when I lose my job; and recovery is when the Democrats lose their jobs. I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born. The Democrats believe in the art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich and promising to protect each from the other. I love to be able to go to Washington if only to be nearer my money. For the first six months when Harry Truman came to Washington, he wondered how the hell he got there, and for the next six months he wondered how the hell the rest of them ever got there. The Democrats can’t fool all the people all the time, that’s why we have two parties.