As my adoption and reunion story continues, I’ve changed some names, places, and dates.
While the moment I revealed my journey to my sons was great, I experienced a painful one a few weeks later on the phone while talking with my birth father, Jack. It was the beginning of August, and I had been communicating regularly with both birthparents for well over three months.
Jack said that he had finally told both of his daughters about me, and the response had been positive. They thanked him for sharing the information with them. Part of me hoped that they might want to meet me some time, but Jack didn’t mention anything like that. He then told me his wife still hadn’t come around to accepting our relationship.
“I think it would be best if we didn’t talk on the phone for a while,” he said. “We can still email back-and-forth, but I just want to give her time to figure things out.”
We hung up shortly after he told me this news. I was near tears. From the beginning, I had never meant any harm to either of my birthparents. Was this reunion causing marital strife for Jack? And an even bigger question played in my mind. Would I ever speak with or see him again?
With my friend Mary’s encouragement, I wrote a letter to Jack’s wife, Dawn, that I emailed to him. I tried to alleviate any fears she might have about me and my intentions. Jack was pleased about what I had written and said in a reply that he would share it when the time was right.
I’ve always been a positive person, but I also try to be cautious, especially with my emotions. I had to prepare myself for the possibility that the few months of communication that happened in 2015 might be all I would get with Jack. And it hurt my heart.
My birth mother Linda was furious for me when she heard the news. She and I had continued to talk on the phone every two or three weeks and we texted regularly. Neither of us could figure out what was going on in Jack’s wife’s mind. Was she jealous? Nervous that I would take attention away from her and her daughters? We just didn’t understand it.
August turned into September, and I tried to stay busy, live my life, and not think about the situation. But of course, it was difficult. At times it would creep into my head, and I would alternate between sadness and anger. I tried to tell myself that I had to be grateful for all I had learned and for the time that we had spent getting to know each other. I knew Jack said that we could still email each other, but I didn’t want to pester him.