By JANET HART LEONARD
From the Heart
“She’s a pretty little girl, just a bit pudgy.”
Can I tell you I hate the word “pudgy”? I was maybe eight or nine years old. I remember sitting in the hospital room where my dad was a patient. The wife of his roommate said those words to my mother … about me.
It was the first time I remember feeling “less than.”
She used the word “pudgy” but I heard fat. I felt “not pretty.”
I’m sure she meant no harm but that was some 57 years ago and I still remember.
It was the first time I realized … words do matter.
I remember hearing words over the years that have made me feel “less than.” I heard the words with my ears but they lodged not only in my mind but in my heart.
My love language is words of appreciation and affirmation, so imagine the power of negative words on me.
Sometimes I struggle with the echo of negative words. “You will never be …” “I love you but I don’t like you.” “I’d rather work with a man.” “Oh, you didn’t finish college.” Less than. Less than. Less than.
Negative words take their toll. They break your heart. They shatter your dreams. They can convince you to give up.
Perhaps because I have been so affected by those negative words, I go out of my way to pour out positive words into others.
I look for opportunities to affirm those who are struggling. If someone is succeeding, I love being a cheerleader {without the cartwheels}.
If I see a reason to compliment a stranger, I will do so, even if I seem a bit strange doing it. Yes, I’ve actually complimented a man for his great job parallel parking. We both laughed.
Words can make someone’s day. They are like a verbal way of paying it forward.
Words remain when we are no longer around. I remember the teachers who cheered for me over the years. It wasn’t so much the A on the test but the note that was written under it. Words of affirmation.
My eighth grade English teacher, Mr. Purvis, sends me emails complimenting my writing as he now reads my columns. I feel like I am still that awkward junior high girl needing affirmation that I am a good writer.
Words coming from those we love or respect hold the most weight in our mind and in our heart. The damage, when it is negative, can have residual effects for years. The kudos of affirmation can be heard for years to come, keeping alive the drive to succeed.
I’ve told my husband that words of love and affirmation are my love language. They cost nothing. He has spent the last almost eight years using words that make me feel valued and loved. He’s such a caring man. I don’t ever have to worry about him using the word “pudgy.”
Have I mentioned that he’s also a very wise man?