Sandwiched
I was thinking about my maternal grandmother recently, whom I loved deeply. She passed away from colon cancer when I was only nine. I have vivid memories of her and hold her close in my heart. “Grandma Grew,” as I called her (I don’t know why), was my favorite person in the whole world.
Then it suddenly hit me. My own mother was also in the sandwich generation. She was in a tougher position in some ways, as she had a small child at home. This had to be rough on Mom knowing her mother was terminal and had a special bond with her youngest daughter.
Growing up, I loved my “Grandma Day” where I would visit my grandmother every week on a Tuesday or Wednesday. It was even better when school wasn’t in session. Getting to spend an entire day with Grandma Grew was an incredible treat. She always made my favorite dinners or asked Grandpa to get McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish, which I loved.
Grandma would arrange my stuffed animals just the way I liked them upon entering her home. My favorite, a small red kitty, rises to the top of my memories. Grandma and I would play countless hours of Tic-Tac-Toe, Go Fish, and Old Maid. She possessed never-ending patience with me, especially when I showed her a new drawing for probably the 200th time!
Looking back now, I imagine Mom loved the arrangement as well! She was a stay-at-home mom, which I know can be challenging (speaking from my experience as a work-at-home mom.) I hope she enjoyed herself when I visited Grandma.
And when Mom and Dad traveled and I got to stay with Grandma and Grandpa, I felt like I hit the jackpot! I remember a big snowstorm hit during the school year when I was with them. Having those “snow days” at Grandma’s house made me over-the-moon happy. I’m not sure they were particularly thrilled to have their energetic, chatty granddaughter at home unexpectedly!
While my grandfather was still alive and probably did most of the caretaking when Grandma got sick, I know Mom had to have helped. She is an only child. I’m sure the stress was hard on her.
I actually had a gut feeling even at that young age that Grandma was going to die. When Mom and Dad told me that she had passed on the morning of my First Communion, I sobbed in Mom’s arms in our kitchen. Strangely, I still wanted to receive the sacrament that day. Mom must have had great strength to let me do that!
Yes, I know I have my own challenges today as a sandwich generation member. But my boys were pre-teens when this started in 2013. Now at ages 18 and 20, they’re sad that their grandmother has her struggles at age 88, but they can handle it better.
Knowing that Mom also went through this makes me feel even closer to her – just when I thought our relationship couldn’t get any stronger!