From the Heart
Are you sorry or are you apologizing?
I remember when my kids were little. Brandon and Emily were almost four years apart. They taught me what it was like to have a sibling as I was an only child.
Brandon: “Emily, I’m sorry.”
Emily: “Brandon, I’m sorry.”
I knew their “I’m sorry” came from their desire to get out of “time out” rather than from their heart of true repentance.
One of them was a bit more stubborn and stayed in “time out” longer.
Sometimes an “I’m sorry” comes from getting caught. You all know what I mean. Other times it is sincere.
Harsh words. Bad decisions. Betrayal. An omittance. Lies. All offenses. Some little. Some not so little. Some not intentional. Some planned and directed to hurt your heart.
My thinking has always been that a sincere apology would include an admission of wrongdoing, remorse for doing it AND how a change would be made. Then … following through on the change or changes.
Sincere repentance and then forgiveness can be work, on the part of both sides. It takes work to change and it takes work to trust … again. If the hurt/betrayal happens again, well, I know a good therapist.
I’ve been given a few apologies and yes, I’ve given a few.
Apologies never erase what happened but they help the relationship to heal. Sometimes the relationship is broken but you can be amicable … apart.
Sometimes damage is done by someone with whom you don’t have a “relationship” but must interact with them. That takes on a whole different perspective of forgiveness.
Why must life be so difficult? Why do some people have to be so difficult? Why can’t we all play fair and be nice? If only we could all live by that oh-so Golden Rule. And just so you know, it is not a verse in the Bible.
It was in the 17th century that British theologians and preachers began using that term.
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
However, five centuries before Christ, another well-known wise man said …
“Do not impose on others what you do not wish for yourself.”
– Confucius
So, this week you get my thoughts and a history lesson.
And by the way, I did receive a letter of sincere apology this week. The people who sent it do not read my column. Perhaps they had a few sleepless nights over the last few weeks. I’m sleeping well too. It is so good to forgive … and get a good night’s sleep.