From the Heart
Random thought … Love means never having to say “I’m sorry” for speaking the words I decided not to speak because I took the time to weigh the cost of those words … they were not in my emotional budget.
A Janetism 2020.
Yes, that was a run-on scattered thought. You may have to read it a couple of times to have it all soak in.
It was 1970 when the movie Love Story came out in the theaters. The one line in that movie that is always remembered is “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
I was 15. I had no idea what romantic love looked or felt like. However, I was wise enough even back then to realize that was wrong, so wrong, in so many ways.
If you truly care about someone, why would you not want to say that you are sorry if you felt like you said or did something to hurt the person about whom you cared?
I know an “I’m sorry” will not change what happened, but it can restore the relationship if an acknowledgement of wrongdoing is made and a sincere apology is given and changes are evident. That is a three-step process. It can be an exhausting process if the hurt is deep. The closer the relationship, the deeper the hurt.
True remorse can be a gift to a relationship. A flippant, “I’m sorry, now you need to get over it” can do greater harm. There has to be evidence of the remorse.
Changes must be made. Promises must be kept. Then, and only then, can a healing begin.
Hearing “Well, I said I’m sorry” does not lessen the hurt nor does it aid in the healing. May I add that puts the harmed person in the position of defending their hurt.
You should not have to defend your hurt. I’ll bite my tongue and stop my fingers on the keyboard after that last statement. But could you read it again?
I know what it is to weigh out the value of a relationship and have to decide how much grace and forgiveness to allow. I have felt the pain of having my fill of sorrys and saying I’m done with a relationship.
If you have been hurt and you have let the person who hurt you know that you are hurt and they refuse to say they are sorry then, well, you must decide if you need to sever the relationship. Some people will never change. Never.
I also know what it is like to say “I’m sorry” when I have spoken too quickly, too sharply or just plain been wrong about how I handled a situation. I know how it feels to be given grace and forgiveness.
I know what the healing process feels like when a relationship has been harmed. If the hurt is deep then there will always be a scar.
An “I’m sorry” is a Band-Aid that only protects the hurt until it has time to heal. If more damage is done after the “I’m sorry” then there is a chance the wound to the relationship may never heal.
When “I’m sorry” is said followed by a BUT … the but erases the “I’m sorry.”
And about the saying “time heals all wounds”? Time may lessen the hurt, but I’m sorry, that saying is just as wrong as the line in Love Story.
Well, as always, I have more to say but that will be another time, another column. Think … emotional budget.