Shushing the bullies

A bully is defined as someone who is habitually cruel.

I have two that live in my head. They create havoc.

One tells me, “Janet, you should have. The other one says, “Janet, you should be.” Perhaps you, as a reader, have dealt with these same bullies.

The bully of should-have wants me to suffer regrets over my decisions and things I have neglected to do. The regrets shove me into a vast sea of shame. I am made to feel less than. The worst accusation I hear tells me that I should have known better.

The bully of should-be wants me to feel guilty for not doing what she tells me. I should be doing something productive. I should not be resting, working on a puzzle, reading a fiction book, or watching a movie. Time should be spent doing something intentionally productive. This bully in my head does not believe in fun or rest for the weary. She is mean.

I remember my mother telling me I was burning the candle at both ends. She would remind me that as I got older, it would become difficult to keep up the pace I was running. My burning the midnight oil until the crack of dawn was not a healthy lifestyle. Mom was quite the wise woman.

Eventually, exhaustion and a sense of constantly being overwhelmed caused me to realize I was my own worst enemy. I had to change my thinking and habits, which can be stubborn.

Mental bullies are hard to shush.

It’s been a long, complicated process, but I got ‘er done. I shushed the bullies.

Living with regrets is a part of life, but they don’t have to hold me back from enjoying the present. While “it is what it is” is my least favorite saying, it is true. I can’t change the past. I won’t allow the should-haves to continue to beat me up. Shush the bully.

Learning that having fun and relaxing are not sins broke the chains of unhealthy productivity.

Chasing more accomplishments, marking things off my to-do list, and being in a constant get-er-done mode led to physical and mental exhaustion. I have the stress marks to prove it. My emotions wandered over the place. Productivity did not earn me a trophy. Shush the bully.

Embracing fun, a mystery novel, a Netflix movie, and pondering on my back porch led to less mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion. Less really is more.

Did you know that rest is essential for the brain to recover from stress?

Did you know that time spent in nature and hobbies can benefit our mental and physical health?

I continue to use my shushing voice to silence the should-have and should-be bullies in my head. This creates more energy and positive thoughts, and drains the sea of guilt.

I can tell you that I should have done this sooner. I can tell you that I should be doing what I am about to do now that I’ve finished writing this column. I am headed to my daughter’s pool and will float for the next few hours. Not a care in the world. Not a to-do list in sight. I guess you could say I’m doing my due diligence to calm my brain and help it recover from all the stress I’ve endured from the should-have and should-be bullies.

I’m floating on the sea of contentment.

If I can shush my bullies, you can shush yours.

Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.