Gentleness is a force to be reckoned with. I learned that from my mother.
If you ever knew my mother, you would know she was a kind and gentle soul. She never was one to raise her voice. She never talked ugly and would not use harsh words, but let me tell you this: she was a force to be reckoned with.
Mom taught me to be kind and gentle in spirit. She showed me how gentleness could withstand the forces of anger and control.
I’ve learned to slather my words with gentleness, but it is not always easy. I was reminded of this recently when I told a friend about something I was contemplating doing. Before I could explain my thought process, she said, “Well, let me tell you my opinion.” I heard the click of her verbal ammunition entering the chamber of her voice when she said, “You may not like it.” There was nothing gentle about her opinion. I remember hearing the word “stupid.”
I walked away, feeling the pain of her hurtful words as well as the bites on my tongue. I kept thinking, “Slather grace, Janet.”
At 69 years old, this buttercup is pretty tough. However, my heart is tender. Whoever said, “Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me,” was full of malarkey. Did you know that rhyme has been used as early as 1862? Physical wounds heal, but verbal wounds are heard in the heart for a lifetime.
Gentleness is a soft presence. So many have lost the understanding of gentleness. It is not being weak. You can stand your ground and yet be gentle.
Photo provided by Janet Hart Leonard
Whenever my mother would point her crooked arthritic fingers, I knew her thoughts would be gentle but direct. You better listen up. She sifted her thoughts and opinions through gentleness and kindness and knew how to get her point across without hurtful words.
Although people may not have always liked what my mother said, they were never harmed. She always took the time to process her words before she spoke.
Gentleness is defined as the quality of being kind, tender, and meek. It takes more effort to be kind and tender than to react with angry and ugly words. Meek is not weak. The definition of meek is enduring injury with patience and without resentment.
My tongue was loaded with words I wanted to say to my friend. I walked away, making excuses for her in my mind. I admit I wanted to give a not-so-nice rebuttal to her opinion. Words have been known to jerk a knot in someone’s tail. Biting my tongue allowed me not to use those words. I’m a work in progress on the meekness thing.
We live in a loud, angry and chaotic world. We tend to give our opinions without hearing the whole story.
After my friend shared her thoughts with me, it got me thinking. When have I jumped to conclusions, made assumptions, and delivered my thoughts and opinions in a not-so-nice manner? I’ve been guilty of giving a verdict before I had all the facts.
I’ve been the judge, jury, and executioner with my words. Growing older and gaining more wisdom has made me less judgmental and quick to respond. Being slow to speak is a virtue.
In the future, will I share my thoughts on what I might do with my friend? That is a no. Does she read my columns? That is also a no. Does she care that she hurt me with her words? I don’t know if she even thought about it. Do I still consider her a friend? Absolutely. I have slathered her with grace.
My mother would have been proud of me when I walked away. All these years later, I still hear her voice telling me, “Janet, be kind and gentle, and don’t be ugly.”
Mom, it’s not always easy, but … you still know best, and your words are still a force to be reckoned with.
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Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.