No laughing matter

Here are more thoughts from my mother.

The old man waited and waited in the doctor’s office. Then he waited some more. At great length his patience gave out. Leaning heavily on his cane, he approached the receptionist. “Tell the doctor,” he said, “I can’t wait any longer. I’m going home to die a natural death.”

Actually, life is no laughing matter, but doctors are prescribing laughter if you want to live longer. I know it works. When I was born all the womenfolk were cooing and ooing and aaing. Then my granddad walked in. He took one good look and started laughing. He laughed all the way to 97 years, two months, 24 days, and 36 minutes.

If my husband ever learns to tell a joke, I’ll laugh more, too. He’s been working on this one for two weeks. I’m still trying to figure out the punch line. Let’s see what it does for you:

It seems two priests were debating whether it was proper to smoke while praying. They couldn’t come to a decision. Finally they decided to write to the Pope. The first priest asked, “Is it permissible to smoke while I am praying?” The inevitable answer came back, “No, that would be unseemingly.” So the second priest sent his question to the Holy Father. “Would it be permissible to pray while I am smoking?” “My son,” came the reply, “we are admonished to pray without ceasing.” Well, praying is no laughing matter and neither is smoking.

Did you ever see anyone die with lung cancer? I saw my friend go that way. It’s a long, slow, agonizing process. He didn’t think it was a laughing matter. When I was a kid, I could hardly wait to read the Sunday comics. Now there was a laughing matter!

I could split my sides over Mutt and Jeff or Elmer Tuggle. Have you tried to read a comic lately? I did just last week. Believe me – half of them are no longer a laughing matter. Take “Doonesbury” – well, yes, you take it. It’s too much for my stomach. Then “Shoe.” Are those dogs or what? I can’t even identify the characters. “BC” in this day of women’s lib? Where are the feminists? What a put down! Comic? No way. Of course, the men get it, too. Just take a look at “Crock.” Men can’t really be that dumb. Can they?

Maybe things are worse than I thought. If I read one half dozen more, I’m thoroughly depressed for the day. Not even “Dennis” and “Marvin” can get me to cheer up. And I only read that stuff hoping for a good belly laugh to get my day off to a good start. After all, if laughter makes the vital juices run better, I’d rather laugh than pop pills. Pills can work wonders for some, but my friend has had two trips to the hospital because of overdoses.

Now he wasn’t just “popping pills.” He was just following his doctor’s orders. Something in his system just refused to cooperate. Believe me, it was no laughing matter. He’s fine now and laughing like you wouldn’t believe. He feels so good laughter just rolls. He’s happy, his wife is happy, his coworkers think the change is wonderful. That makes them happy, too.

It’s the old chain reaction. Drop a pebble in the water. What do you get? One ripple? Two ripples? Maybe it depends on the amount of water. As long as there’s water, filter ripples just keep forming and growing and getting bigger.

What would happen if you smiled – really smiled – at your kid and said, “Hey, son, when I was your age, I had a crazy haircut, too. Flattop. Boy, did it bug my mom.” Would that be better than, “Listen, I’ve seen that shaggy hair for the last time. Get it cut today if you want to use the car tonight.” Wouldn’t your day start better? His, too? How about the husband/wife or other kids that might be listening? Is there anything you could laugh about with him before you dash off to work? Remember his day at school isn’t exactly easy.

Hold on a minute. School is no laughing matter. They could be deadly serious if you are pressuring him to be valedictorian plus star athlete and really good on his saxophone.

Give the kid a break. He’s good just because he’s your son. Let him know it. Admire the C or B or even a D if that’s what he is capable of making. After all, most of us didn’t make straight A’s either. And how many stars can be on one team?

You are a good citizen. You make worthy contributions to society. And that is no laughing matter either. So just teach the kids to do the same. If they spill the milk, say “oops” and wipe it up. If you can’t laugh, at least keep quiet without acting like a martyr. Then maybe – just maybe – when you spill your milk, he’ll do the same for you. Then that WILL be a laughing matter. Oh, you’ll still have problems, but you won’t treat the little ones like life-or-death matters.

You’ll be able to relax more. That makes solutions easier. The more you solve, the more you can laugh. When you get that good belly laugh down to perfection, do you know what you’ll be? That’s right: a Number 1 Optimist. Just what your club needs. So practice now. You know practice makes perfect.

(The first part of this is jokes. Not original. Can you tell where that changes?)