Not perfect, but blessed

Blessed is the mother who has it all together and whose children walk in the way they have been taught.

I heard a speaker say this. That was 30 years ago. I still remember thinking, “But what about the mother who doesn’t have it all together or who has children going in a direction they weren’t taught?”

Is being “blessed” a mark of success that others give us or is it learning to live with happiness even in the midst of challenges?

Oh, comparison, how you sting my heart.

In the world of social media, comparison has become a daily jab. We are deluged with pictures that show mothers with empty laundry baskets, no crumbs on the kitchen table, and a well-organized pantry.

There’s always that mom who rises before the sun peeks over the horizon, works out, and prepares a hot breakfast for her husband and children. Then, off she goes with a full face of makeup and her hair in a not-so-messy bun to conquer the tasks her job requires. We all strive to be that mom but end up tired to the bone heart-weary and a hot mess.

Trust me when I say that is not the reality of most moms. Most are just trying to sustain a house that is not declared hazardous to their children’s health. Show me a mom with expired food in her refrigerator, and I will declare her among the majority of moms. I could be friends with her.

Mothers should consider running around like a crazy lady as exercise. Getting children to multiple practices on any given day is quite a feat.

Failure to pick up a child at the right time is not a demerit on the scale of successful mothering. I once (maybe twice) left my daughter at church, thinking her dad was bringing her home. I took it as a failure on my part, not his. I often drank the guilt that was not mine to swallow. It’s a mom thing.

When my kids were growing up, I fed them a hot breakfast and fruit. It might have been a toasted Blueberry Pop Tart. I fed them plenty of fiber on other days with a bowl of Cheerios. Judge me not!

Janet spoke to a church group about being raised by a mother who wasn’t afraid to share her faith and lived it well. Four generations of hands were placed on her Bible, which was open to Psalm 71. (Photo provided)

I don’t see how moms today remember what days are e-learning, late arrival, and the oh-so-popular dress-up for a reason day.

When my kids were in the fourth grade, they had to design and build a cabin. I might have saved my son’s project, and three years later, I showed my daughter how to renovate it for her project. I taught her to be creative with what you already have in your shoebox.

The days (and nights) of a mom are long. The days we struggle to endure the hard times as a mother don’t get easier when our children are grown. We will always worry. We question if we could or should have done things differently.

We must realize that as moms, we won’t always have it together, and if we do, we will forget how we did it and where we put it.

My advice to moms …

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
2. Pick your battles.
3. Comparing yourself to other moms is like running on a hamster wheel. You will get nowhere.
4. Your kids have a mind of their own. Don’t lose yours over trying to control them.
5. Train up your children in the way they should go, but remember, at some point, they take the wheel.
6. Do not judge other mothers, as you have no idea what they are going through.
7. You cannot wear the badge of success or failure because of your child’s choices. Children will arrive at their destinations in life because of their choices, not yours. You have influence, not control. Read that again.
8. Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. It is a blessing on the good days and a challenge on the bad days.
9. Every mother knows, from time to time, the exasperation of a frazzled nerve. Every child has the ability to frazzle. They also know exactly where their mother’s last nerve is located.
10. A child will never know how much love was poured into them while they were growing up or growing older. Love is invisible, but a mother’s heart knows what it looks like. She keeps pouring it on her children long after they leave home. It just looks different.

Blessed is the mother who doesn’t have it all together, and her child has taken a detour. She shows up and learns to be content, knowing she’s done the best job possible.

I hope all mothers reading this had a Happy Mother’s Day! May you feel blessed.

Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.