My kids’ grandpa

I never thought of myself as someone who was going to have a stepparent. I grew up with a very solid and traditional family nucleus; I knew my parents would never divorce. It was never something that I had to worry about because I knew my parents loved each other and I saw it every day.

The one thing that I did not anticipate was losing my dad when he was young and seeing my mom alone at the age of 43.

I remember when my mom met Al. It was not a shock because I had signed her up for a dating site myself. She was too young, pretty, and had too much life left to live to not share it with someone. I remember being happy when she told me that she had met someone, but then also afraid because this was my mom and I wanted to protect her. She had already been through enough losing my dad that it was her turn to be happy again. I remember thinking that I had to reconcile with myself loyalty to my dad, but also be open to this new relationship.

Al entered our lives at a time that I was engaged to my now-husband and my sister was in high school. I remember liking how calm he was. I didn’t know him, but I saw how he treated my childhood dogs. He entered the picture when my mom had three senior labrador retrievers and had a gentleness with them that struck me. I saw him weep when it was their time to be put down and I was so touched at how much he loved them. I saw that he would buy my mom flowers. I noticed that he made sure my sister’s car had enough air in the tires. I remember there was a day that he found old photographs of my dad that I didn’t even know existed but put them on a digital format for my sister and me.

I remember when I found out that I was pregnant and sharing the news with my family. I always wondered in the back of my mind how that was going to work when I had my own children where they have a grandfather, but still honoring my dad and making sure that they understand my own dad is in heaven. Al didn’t say he wanted to be like a grandpa to my kids, he just was their grandpa. My kids know he isn’t my dad. He allows us to honor my dad.

Al and I have a lot in common. We both share the interest of nature and gardening. Al grows lots of vegetables and even breeds his own varieties of tomatoes. He’s the first one on his hands and knees with my kids and loves to teach them about gardening. He’s not afraid to get dirty and my kids love him. He collects random things. He enjoys going to antique stores. Al has a random assortment of many things, including a wide variety of ukuleles.

Photo provided by Megan Rathz

Al is a phenomenally talented painter. He’s had no formal training and has won many awards for this God-given talent. He teaches my own kids how to be artistic and how to paint. He is also a photographer and has a way of capturing ordinary things that most people wouldn’t give a second glance to in the most remarkable way.

Al never wants to be the center of attention. He’s always the one behind the camera. Al has a quiet presence that you have to get to know to see his humor. I remember a family member once asking if the ham we were about to eat was gluten free and he said, “I didn’t know the pig personally.” He is dry, subtle, and to know him is to love him.

No, Al isn’t my dad, but he is a grandfather to my children, and he is my friend. He also happens to be one of my favorite people. He has never tried to be my dad. He never acts annoyed or threatened when we reminisce about my dad. He was a missing piece of our family that has added so much to all our lives. The biggest thing we have in common is how much we both love my mom.

I dedicate today’s column to the man who is always behind the camera, but never in the spotlight. Thanks for showing up the way you do for all of us, for loving my mom, and for being my friend. Happy birthday, Al.

Megan Rathz is a wife, mother, and teacher. She says everything she has ever learned in life came from her Master Gardener mother.