2024 mayhem

What you believe before you need to believe makes a difference in getting through hard times.

I wrote that thought in my journal this week after pondering over all that happened in 2024.

If my 2024 were filmed as a commercial, it would feature the mayhem man. Even being diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy gave me the appearance of handling mayhem.

2024 has been brutal. While journaling, I noted all the crises I faced this year: eleven. I wasn’t sure if I somehow had signed up for the 2024 Crisis of the Month Club or the Oprah Crisis Giveaways.

The hardest part of the year was watching those I love have to deal with so much hurt. I could not fix them. I have a “fixer’s” heart.

In my research of Bell’s Palsy, Dr. Google said we often respond to trauma with a fight or flight response. We can also get stuck. Stuck? I could not even process one trauma before I found myself dealing with another. Could layers of trauma really be a thing? Sort of an emotional lasagna?

I’m a fighter. I put on my “virtual” breastplate, my boots and my helmet and go to war. I wore them every day and even slept in them. I bundled up my worries like a baby and carried them wherever I ventured.

Had you seen me, would you not have recognized that I was carrying some heavy stuff? Of course not. You see, my smile is my secret weapon to hide my hurt. It’s always been there. It hides a lot.

Photo provided by Janet Hart Leonard

Now, before you start thinking – oh, poor Janet. Stop, I’ll be fine. There isn’t a person reading this who hasn’t gone through some really hard times; I mean gut-punching, heart-breaking, and mental overloading crises.

Sometimes, I deal with a crisis better than others. I’ve had enough therapy to know how to process hurt, but that doesn’t mean I do what I know to do. Anyone else?

The crises I dealt with last year were coming so fast I felt as if I was running in a minefield while dodging bullets, carrying that bundle of worries. The mental weight of processing numerous worries at once was exhausting. Which of them did I need to worry about the most? Do you know that the voices of worries get louder at night?

While writing in my journal and reading my devotions this week, I read what I wrote in my Bible in December 2022, when my heart was hurting: Psalm 27:13-14 NLT. Oh, my goodness.

Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

It was in the moment of reading that scripture that I realized my strength to face any crisis comes from what I believe before I must deal with a crisis. Therein lies the foundation of my faith.

I believe God is a good God. He walks beside me through every crisis. He brings people into my life who speak words of encouragement. He gives me His promises in the scriptures.

So, yes, it is what you believe before you need to believe that lays a foundation for you to get through the hard times. That is the essence of Faith.

I am learning a lot during this “Winter of Discontent,” as I refer to my time with Bell’s Palsy. I will never again take blinking for granted. The fatigue I am feeling is brutal. (Imagine pulling a log wagon up a steep hill while fighting the wind.)

My wish for 2025 is that all will be calm, we can sleep in heavenly peace, and I can figure out how to unsubscribe from the Crisis of the Month Club.

Janet Hart Leonard can be contacted at janethartleonard@gmail.com or followed on Facebook or Instagram (@janethartleonard). Visit janethartleonard.com.